Or Register for FREE!


Welcome to our Cat Forums!
Welcome to our CatForums!
You are seeing this message because you are viewing our cat forums as a guest.

You can continue to browse our many cat related areas as a guest but you are more than welcome to register and join our friendly community of Cat Lovers! ... And for free!

Doing so will also remove this message and some of the ads, such as the one on the left.

Please click here to register.

Reply

Elaine's Avatar
Catsey Veteran
 
Cats owned: 2 moggies
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Aberdeen, Scotland
Posts: 15,256
25-01-2006, 10:37 PM   #1

The naked runner


A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at
work.

One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to
her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the
window. My husband's home early!"

"I can't jump out the window! It's raining out there!"

"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!"
she replied. "He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least
of
your problems!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and
jumps out the window!

As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly
discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual
marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of
them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried
to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of
runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.

"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels
so wonderfully free!"

Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run
carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"

"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I
can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my
car to go home!

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried,
"Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

"Nope...just when it's raining."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was a man who worked for the Post Office...whose job it was to
process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read, Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it,
which was all the money I had until my next pension cheque. Next Sunday
is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without
that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other
workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened, It read:

Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my
friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful
gift. By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it must have been those
Thieving *******s at the Post Office.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street.
They pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend
buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."
The blonde looks puzzled and asks, "Don't you like getting flowers?"
The redhead says, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations
after giving them to me, and I just don't feel like spending the next three
days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde thinks for a moment and says."Don't you have a vase?"."


Subject: I, the penis

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I work in great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace which has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.


************************************************** *

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request and considering the arguments you Have
raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting
other locations.
You do not take initiative -- you need to be pressured and stimulated
in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,

The Management



Reply With Quote


bobbie3917's Avatar
Catsey Veteran
 
Cats owned: Ragdoll & Moggy
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: S. Wales
Posts: 2,874
25-01-2006, 10:45 PM   #2

Re: The naked runner


hehe love the blonde and a redhead very good



Reply With Quote


Fran's Avatar
Catsey Veteran
 
Cats owned: DSH/Siamese/Orientals
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 21,296
25-01-2006, 11:20 PM   #3

Re: The naked runner




I liked the Post Office one



Reply With Quote


Jac Jac is offline
Catsey Veteran
 
Cats owned: Raggie and BSH
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 11,575
25-01-2006, 11:23 PM   #4

Re: The naked runner






Reply With Quote


Kim's Avatar
Kim Kim is offline
Catsey Veteran
 
Cats owned: 1 mog
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Leicestershire
Posts: 3,848
26-01-2006, 12:34 AM   #5

Re: The naked runner


I think they are all funny!!



Reply With Quote


Naomi's Avatar
Catsey Veteran
 
Cats owned: 3 Moggies
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: South Wales
Posts: 4,796
26-01-2006, 03:50 PM   #6

Re: The naked runner


loved them all



Reply With Quote


yola's Avatar
Catsey Veteran
 
Cats owned: 1 Persian and one b/w moo-cat mog
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Reading, Berkshire, UK
Posts: 12,771
26-01-2006, 04:43 PM   #7

Re: The naked runner


Post office one was excellent!!!!



Reply With Quote


CJK CJK is offline
Catsey Veteran
 
Cats owned: NA
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: NA
Posts: 4,479
26-01-2006, 05:14 PM   #8

Re: The naked runner


all funny but liked the jogger one best.



Reply With Quote


samwise's Avatar
Catsey Senior
 
Cats owned: 2 moggies
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Dorset
Posts: 564
26-01-2006, 05:56 PM   #9

Re: The naked runner


Very good!!!



Reply With Quote


Donna's Avatar
Catsey Veteran
 
Cats owned: Tortie Chloe & Black Misty
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Kent, UK
Posts: 9,350
26-01-2006, 08:20 PM   #10

Re: The naked runner


Great jokes...



Reply With Quote

Reply