Very worried about father-in-law

Tina · 02-01-2009, 01:24 AM

Hi folks

I'm really concerned about my father-in-law and just need to get it off my chest, but don't want to talk to OH about it and make him more worried.

We went to OH's parents for Christmas, when we arrived last Tuesday (23rd) father-in-law was feeling quite bad with a chesty cough. Christmas Eve he stayed in bed in the hopes of feeling better after a long rest. That didn't work, he was worse by Christmas Day and couldn't get up to see the family at all......we cancelled Christmas lunch in the hopes of doing it on Sunday to give him more time to get better. Unfortunately, he remained bed-ridden until we finally managed to get a doctor out on Monday morning......when he was sent to hospital with pneumonia. My son and I came home on Tuesday as son has college homework to get done, and OH stayed in Lincolnshire at his parents.

Spoke to OH again today to see how his dad is doing, and he says that he "seems" better, he's eating more, has a bit more colour, coughing less.

However, he won't do ANYTHING. He's always been VERY active and independent, loves to read, listen to the radio, do crosswords, and keeps his mind very active. He won't do any of these things now, no tv, no radio, no reading, no crosswords. He doesn't want people visiting, he doesn't chat when people DO visit. In addition he's starting to have difficulty "finding words".......can't think what he's trying to say, losing track of time....thinks it's night when it's morning, etc. Now, I find that incredibly worrying taking into consideration that he's usually the complete opposite. And also because he is 82. OH is worried as well, but I don't think his mother seems to be as concerned.......and difficult to tell her that she NEEDS to tell the doctor these things without worrying her further.

Just seems so much to me like how my gran was the last time she went into hospital when she was 78.......she lost the will to fight and then developed alzheimers very quickly and never left hospital again.

Just needed to get it off my chest, helps the worry a bit to be able to share it I think, and don't want to add to OH's own worry. Also, my father-in-law's sister is in hospital with similar problems, in another county, and she seems to have completely lost the will to live......she's 94.

Thanks for listening!

Tina

dandysmom · 02-01-2009, 03:07 AM

So sorry to hear this, Tina; it does help a bit sometimes just to vent and know that people are listening and care. I wonder if anyone has discussed the possibility of medicines interacting to bring about mental problems similar to Alzheimers? I mention this because a close friend of mine was experiencing symptoms like that, and he's only in his mid 60s. Turns out some of the drugs he was on were causing the problems; he's been fine since they were changed. (((Hugs)))

Tina · 02-01-2009, 03:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dandysmom

So sorry to hear this, Tina; it does help a bit sometimes just to vent and know that people are listening and care. I wonder if anyone has discussed the possibility of medicines interacting to bring about mental problems similar to Alzheimers? I mention this because a close friend of mine was experiencing symptoms like that, and he's only in his mid 60s. Turns out some of the drugs he was on were causing the problems; he's been fine since they were changed. (((Hugs)))

Thanks for that suggestion DM, that's definately something worth looking into! When he first got ill before Christmas (Thursday the 18th) with a chesty cold he was put on antibiotics, he had a reaction to those (severe dizziness, etc) and had to come off them on the Friday and was given something else the following Monday......so it's definately a possibility he's reacting to something else. I'll definately mention that to OH and get him to remind the doctor of the previous medication reaction.

Thanks again!!!

Natalie · 02-01-2009, 07:16 AM

I'm sorry to here about your FIL.

Pneumonia is a really bad chest infection and am I right in remembering he has other medical problems too? The infection and other medical problems he has will cause the confusion and lethergy. His body is fighting very hard to rid of the infection that it all gets very tiring on the body especially for someone in their 80's. The medications are highly unlikely to cause confusion.

If I remember rightly that he also has cardiac problems, then his heart and lungs are not working efficiently therefore not supplying enough oxygen to the brain which again will cause lethergy and confusion.

I'm sorry that you feel he is giving up the will but having vast experience in nursing the elderly, I would say about 75% of my patients do. There are various reasons why but its hardest on the families who are left to sit and watch like you. Your Fil as your aware is very poorly and whatever he feels or wants then all you can do is be there for him. That's a very hard thing to do, just sit, watch, confort and talk to him but at the end of the day it is his life to make those life choices.

If you need anymore advice or info just ask.

Sending you big hugs to you and your OH at this difficult and stressful time.

Natalie · 02-01-2009, 10:13 AM

What about an ipod/walkman for him to listen to music or listen to stories? A radio also helps to keep them focussed on current time and affairs of the world too. Just a thought x

dinahsmum · 02-01-2009, 10:23 AM

I'm sorry to hear this and to hear of your worries.
I hope putting it down in print helped you get your thoughts together

Mags · 02-01-2009, 01:47 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL's condition and the worry and concern you are going through.

Having a bout of pneumonia can be very debilitating, more so at the age of 82. He is bound to feel extremely weak and 'uninterested' in things but he will be well looked after in hospital.

We are here to offer a compassionate ear to you, it often helps when you are unable to 'open up' to your nearest and dearest for fear of worrying them too much.

Hope there's some improvement in your FIL soon .....take care (((hugs)))

Kazz · 02-01-2009, 04:54 PM

I echo what everyone else has said I wish him a speedy recovery.
Pneumonia is a horrible thing, but lots of drugs and feeling so ill must upset the system it does when younger so as an older person he will just take a little longer to bounce back but he will.

calismum · 03-01-2009, 12:57 AM

Sending you ((hugs)). I can only agree with what has already been said. Infection and drugs can cause confusion like stmptoms. His reluctance to see/speak to anyone could also be because he is aware that he is forgetting things and that is making him frightened.

Hope things improve for him soon.

Tina · 03-01-2009, 01:09 AM

Hi Folks

OH just rang and said his dad seemed more alert today when they visited him, was a bit more chatty as well. They have now taken him off oxygen......he had a mask so he could use it when he needed it......he doesn't need that anymore. The doctor said he'll probably be able to go home Monday. but to expect ful recovery to take a few weeks. So, sounds like he's getting better and I think we're all a little less worried about him. OH left him a radio and his crossword magasines and FIL says he'll enjoy them when visitors aren't around. Thanks for all the kind words and support, it is MUCH appreciated!

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