Re: Do you have a best friend?
There is that Kazz...
It's bizarre - I've got 'best friends' on different levels. There are two people who I know mostly online (they living a bit far away for me to meet up with them regularly) and I only met one of them for the first time in the last month. They hear pretty well everything about me - one of them has been dealing with my stress out's for the last 5 years - over the internet!!! So they have to qualify as pretty good friends regardless.
The other, my RL 'best friend' is a bit of a strange one... She isn't terribly well - has been told at least twice if not three times in the last four years that she's got 6 months left to live, and the situation keeps getting more and more serious - this for someone whose still not yet 30 is very scary. She's the sort of person who becomes the 'best friend' of so many others. I'm sure there are lots of people who think about her that way. And yet, she can't think of us all as 'best friends'. I'm sure she thinks of us as very good friends, but there are two people she thinks of in that way. One being a childhood friend whose no longer living, and the other being someone who lives 'down south' and so she only sees occasionally. My friend has been rather adopted into her family.
Because of this I've rather come to wonder. Is someone really able to be a 'best friend' to so many others? or is 'best friend-ship' something that can only really be true if both parties think of the other as their 'best friend'?
I've had to accept that I'll never be the 'best' friend of the person I think of as my own 'best' friend, and that's been pretty hard going in some ways. As well as being pretty unwell, she's also got lots and lots of people who take up her time - that's not even going into the world of work, and yes, she's still somehow managing to hold down a job - so sometimes it seems like months go by and I never see her. I've had to learn lessons about jealousy, and the fact that my friend has the right to choose what she wants to do, and that it doesn't always have to include me. And I've had to learn how to keep those feelings to myself - or at least, not let her know about them, cause those feelings are mine to deal with. She really doesn't need to have to consider all of that along side everything else she has to cope with. What I need to do is enjoy what time we have together, cause things are very serious, and she is talking about choosing not to spend the last months of her life in hospital and going through op's which probably won't help, but rather, wanting to enjoy it. And I can see me really regretting it if I were to tell her those things. I can put up with a bit of extra head guff to work through, if it makes the last of her time here less difficult.
Is she accepting of where she's at? No, not really, she wants a miracle, and everyone else wants one for her, but...
Sorry for the rant!!!
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