Thought I’d treat you all to the story of Alfie and the urine sample. Alfie was to be at vet last Monday evening. I called vet on Saturday to confirm the appointment. Almost as an afterthought he said ‘oh, can you also bring a urine sample?’ As I will be at work all day Monday I have about 24 hours to achieve this.
I have just managed to change all three litter trays to ones with doors. No problem, I took all the lids off then lined them up in the hall. Told everyone Alfie was not allowed out under any circumstances. Thought to myself – this won’t be a problem, he’s on diuretics, all he does is pee, drink, pee, sleep, pee etc. And, when he goes for a pee, he pees for ever. This will be a dawdle. All I need to do is arm myself with small bowl, watch and wait.
I go to the loo – so does Alfie. Never mind plenty other opportunities will arise, won’t they?
My mother phones – Alfie goes to loo (I am informed when I get off the phone) – never mind . . . . . . etc.
He wakes up, stretches goes to box closely followed by me. I look at him, he looks at me, I pretend not to look at him, he still looks at me. He digs a scoop in the litter, I watch the goldfish. He looks at me, I examine my fingers, he carefully steps out the box walks round me and goes for something to eat. Never mind . . . . .?
OH wanders in and informs me, casually, that Alfie’s having a pee – how did he sneak past me???? I break all records and arrive at tray just as he’s standing up. We exchange looks. Never mind . . . .?
Decide to walk dogs, he’s just been so I’ll have time. Come back in, soaked thru, – start to dry dogs, spot Alfie sauntering off to his box. Make a huge racket while I try to jump over dogs, find the bowl, avoid stepping on Kinsi. Arrive at box in time for him to be covering up a poo. We contemplate each other for a while. He then decides I’m nuts and wanders off. Never mind, plenty time . . . . . . . ?
I make meal, Alfie strolls past me. I drop everything, run into hall (with bowl) no cat. I rush to other trays, no cat. Stand in hall wondering where he is. Have you guessed? Yep, he had a pee – on the hall floor, under one of the lids. He looks at me, long and hard. I can see him shaking his head. Never mind, what do you mean ‘never mind’ - I’m running out of time, help!!!!
I go for a shower prior to going to bed. Make everyone promise they’ll keep him in the room ‘til I come out shower. Of course they don’t as they ’only went into the kitchen for juice’ arghhhh!.
Go to bed, defeated and annoyed I’ve failed this simple task.
Get up Monday morning. (please bear in mind I am not a morning person, I am especially not a Monday morning person) wander thru’ to the kitchen, feed Kinsi, switch on kettle, switch on toaster, spot Alfie in the tray, switch on brain, grab the bowl, fly at him and the tray, shove the bowl underneath him while grabbing him at the front to stop him dashing off. Get some urine on the floor, over my hand, over Alfie and *trumpet sound* in the bowl. Also got poo on my hand and a walloped elbow from the rugby tackle. Do I care, not a bit, it is the best Monday morning I’ve had. Alfie gets out the box, shakes each paw in my direction, jumps up on the chair looks at me very carefully and then starts to wash himself.
Cleaned up kitchen, gave the dog the toast, went for shower, had coffee went to work. Alfie was at the window – watching.
CM
