Safari, Catsey style

[Elaine]

Right, listen up peeps, we are all going on a little adventure safari. It doesnt matter when you arrive on this journey but be sure to introduce yourself, attend as many safari trips as you like, tell us all about your trips and enjoy your little adventure and remember do not feed the animals unless the ranger gives you the ok to do so.




I have just arrived on my safari trip, I'm exhausted and sweaty. Really looking forward to a nice hot shower before dinner and drinks.
On entering the bathroom, I see something scurry under the shower curtain, aaaaarrrgh, its the biggest damned centipede I have ever seen , screaming and cursing I run from my room to find some one to assist me with the blighter and who should I bump into in the passage way but.................
Heather Mills, who rushes to my aid by whipping off her leg and bashing the centipede to bits.
Panic over, I have my shower and meet Heather in the bar for drinks. I always forget about the bugs in these foreign climes but am looking forward to my first safari trip in the morning, gonna go see some girraffes

[Elaine]

Day one of my safari has arrived and I am off to see the girraffes We set off along the dusty tracks of the plains of the serangetti, I almost fall out of the jeep as the track is so bumpy, I keep thinking to myself, I wish I had wore a bra with more support We aproach some trees and low and behold the girraffes are having some breaky Slowly we aproach them so as not to startle them. When all of a sudden a monkey jumps out of the tree and steals my spectacles, now I am left blind as a bat and am unable to see the girraffes

[Elaine]

Fortunately for me the ranger is a monkey whisperer and manages to get my glasses back . The girraffes all heard my scream of panic and wanted a closer look, one girraffe got to inquisitive about the jeep and like the smell of the exhaust fumes so much it got its lips stuck in the exhaust pipe . My self and the ranger managed to get the girraffe free, I bathed its lips with some of my water. He seemed to be relatively unscathed from his ordeal so we left to have some lunch.

[dandysmom]

Well, our safari will be to the Great Rift Valley in Africa where many of the hominid bones have been discovered like Lucy! It's very hot, and not as humid as I had expected; the jeep ride was very bumpy and uncomfortable, and I wonder if I have enough sun screen on! Can hardly wait to get to the tent encampment. stretch my legs and think about lunch!

Later: we saw a spotted hyena in the distance scavenging around, but it didn't laugh! No lions yet! But lots of nasty biting flies...

To be continued.....

[Elaine]

Our lunch was typically safari style with monkey sandwiches which consisted of hot dog buns with a banana in covered with peanut butter and ants. The ants weren't optional as they had got stuck in the peanut butter. The site where we had lunch was very stunning, sat by the river and I caught a glimpse of a hippo. No, it wasnt Jac, it was defo a hippo .
Then we took a long scenic drive back to the hotel coz i dont do camps due to all the creepy crawlies
Had a long cool dip in the pool and a short snooze in the seering heat.

[MrsErin]

I was excited and apprehensive about going on my safari, i packed all my clothes and my winter warmers for those cold nights, we boarded the plane and off we went.

We landed early morning and it was freezing, as you may expect in the land of Ice, the Antarctic. Our safari started out looking at the glaciers, not much of interest in my eyes, we could have gone to bognor and looked at stones which would have been better. Later on in the day we saw a group of Penguins! i was all wowed and amazed at how many there were!

One out of the group walked toward me and dropped a small stone/pebble at my feet and waddled off, the guide told me that this is a sign of friendship and courting. My face must have been a picture, for a bird she was hot! And not the worst that has tried to pull me while on the lash......

The night drew in and we headed back to camp......

More to come soon!

[Elaine]

Later in the evening I went to the dinning room for dinner, you wont beleive who was sat there listening to Heather Mills tales of woe our sweet little pink princess Erin I went over to join their table, Erin was tucking into a lovely bowl of monkey brains while Heather was throwing up into a paper bag, in between hurls she was complaining about the meat content on the menu. Erin and I ignored her and got very very drunk instead.
We are both going on a lion shoot in the morning, no silly, not guns, cameras

[Erin]

I opened one eye, then chose to close it again after seeing what i thought was a Monkey, but in actual fact it was Elaine, i rested my eyes a little longer, only to hear elaines voice saying 'erin.......erIN......ERIN!' so it starts, the trauma i call 'getting out of bed' I thrashed about like a maniac in attempt of getting some sympathy, which didnt work, she went on and on screaming at me, so i woke, got myself together and sat in silence waiting for my cup of coffee.

Did it come? Did it heck. Anyway, so off we went on our great 'cat shoot' we started out in the back of a wagon/jeep which i must admit, was not comfy being i was sat on elaine all day. We finally got something to be in awe about a great big cat, i thought it was Jerry at first, but then realised it wasnt elaine shattered my dreams by telling me i was 1/2 asleep in the back of the jeep for the day....well it was a nice thought anyways, i didnt really remember much of the day, so ask elaine to fill you in guys.........

[Elaine]

A monkey indeed
Erin is a bloody nightmare in the mornings, throwing tantrums, kicking and screaming, what a palava to try to get her up. None the less, she did eventually surface and face the day.
Erin slept in the jeep most of the morning, she missed the elephant crossing our path, a massive bull it was too. I tried to nudge herseveral times but she just whinged so i decided to leave her be.
She did kinda wake when we came upon a pride of lions, Erin swore it was Jerry and I had to remind her that Jerry was not a lion but a tooty tabby cat who was at home in Kiddy.
The lions were stunning, I never imagined just how big they trully are.
The ranger had brought some big chunks of meat for us to throw towards the lions while he stood guard with his tranquiliser gun. Erin, the dozey mare, grabed what she thought was a big chunk of meat but was infact Heather Mills's prosthetic leg, and hurled it towards the lions Heathers imediate reaction was to go after it but obviosly fell over as she was out of balance, Oh how we laughed and laughed much to Heathers disaproval. By lunch time though, she too saw the funny side while we chomped on mangos and couscous. She has spares so it wasnt a big deal but Erin will never live it down.