Ugh...

[Tink]

Well it's less than two weeks now to K's heart surgery (the 17th). He was diagnosed with Takayasu's Arteritis (very rare). He will have his ascending aorta and aortic valve replaced with mechanical ones and his anneurysm removed. They'll arrest his heart and cut off circulation to the brain for fifteen minutes. They have to deep freeze him so his brain doesn't die. The surgery will be eight plus hours.
I keep having nightmares about his surgery. Honestly we haven't been talking about it much because we don't wanna spend the time up to his surgery moping and being morbid..we just wanna act normal. All these people are coming out of the woodwork and bless their hearts they mean well but it almost feels like everyone is paying their respects before in case something goes wrong and we just want to be normal. I told him a couple weeks ago be happy that many people care about you because he was getting tired of it but now I'm leaning on agreeing with him as the phone is ringing off the hook, people are showing up at our doorstep and it is getting exhausting explaining over and over again all that is going to happen and we are not social people and really enjoy our time alone.
i thought i was taking this well but now that i'm having nightmares almost every night about it i'm thinking that when i'm awake i'm just in denial.
i'm kind of just venting here..i don't know.

[dandysmom]

Geez, Tink, that's awful; know what you mean being private people. It's nice that so many people care, but you two sort of need to be alone and process things yourselves, if I'm being clear. Having to explain things over and over to others when you're worried to death yourself isn't easy..... vent all you want on here, you know your friends here care and are thinking of you and K. Hang in there, be strong ...easier said than done, I know...(((hugs)))

[pookyandjo]

hey Tink... keep your chin up... do you and K have a close friend or relative that could act as your mouthpiece? someone with whom you share mutual friends... someone to get the word out there that whilst you appreciate all the calls and support... you really need some space to get things sorted in your own heads without constantly rehashing numerous times a day when someone different calls... or... maybe you could write an email... and send it to your friends...stating pretty much the same thing.. you could include a brief synopsis of what is going on with K and what the expected recovery time will be .. that sort of thing... again letting them know that you appeciate all their thoughts/prayers etc... if you dont have an answering machine... now migh be the time to get one... and monitor your calls.. answer the ones that you want... and put off the other ones until you have a moment that you feel able mentally to return... that's part of the problem with the situation you are in... everytime the phone rings or there is a knock at the door you are being ambushed... you have to deal with regarless of wether you are having a good day or a bad day... short of pretending not to be home... you really cant do that much...
take it easy... most people will understand that you guys want and need to spend some time together in the lead up to K's surgery...the might just need to be gently reminded of it!

[Leesy]

Oh Tink my heart goes out to you you must feel like you are in the middle of a nightmare at the moment, like you have said you know people mean well but you do need your own space to get your head around what is going on , sounds like a good idea though what Jo has said couldn`t you get a close freind or family member to relay information to give you some breathing space, or maybe even a few days away somewhere together nice and private.
Hope things improve for you and K, sending lots of comforting ((hugs)) your way....... PaulineX.

[yola]

Poor you. I can imagine that having to talk endlessly about the thing you are both most dreading is taking its toll on you. It's like reliving the nightmare over and over rather than being allowed to slowly absorb the information.

Reading what K's going to have to go through I can understand your blind terror as to visualise the person you love having to endure such an operation, must be very hard indeed to accept.

I don't have anything more sensible to add to what has already been said but please know that all my thoughts are with you both.

[dinahsmum]

Ooooh - I feel for you.
The only thing I can suggest is to use the new technology and do a blog, or email round-robin or something.
You can put as much or as little as you wish, it can be two way, in that people can leave messages of support, but each entry you make you can add (in bold!) at the bottom, that you need your space and are unable to enter into one-to-one conversations initiated by others. Add that you understand and appreciate the concern and that you won't hesitate to contact them if the need arises or if/when you feel up to it.
Good luck.
Messageboards are good for vocalising in a totally non-threatening way. Lots of ears, lots of cyber-support but we won't take your space. x

[angieh]

I think there are some good suggestions here - you need a "buffer" of some sort, either a person or messageboard. That could really give you the alone time you need.

Hope you can get this sorted so that you can do things you want to do in the way you want to do them. ((((HUGS))))