URGENT I need advice now!

[Elaine]

Sorry, i cannt add any further advice only to say that when friends (couple) have come to me with any similar things and I have advised or talked with them about it, it has always resulted in me being dragged in to the middle and generally used as the whipping stick for point scoring or some other crap.

[yola]

There may be much deeper reasons why he is seeing someone else, maybe their marriage is not as solid as you think. People are very good at hiding problems to the outside world. Maybe she's also seeing someone else? For all you know, they may not even have a sexual relationship any longer! It could be that the marriage is an unhappy one and the children would be better off with a happier single parent than 2 miserable ones?

There are lots of factors to consider, and not just the 'dirty marauding bloke' accusations. I don't condone extra-marital affairs necessarily, but these things do happen and it's not always the man who's to blame!

Anyway - Karen, I would chew it over for a couple of days. You obviously know this chap well so ultimately if you feel you need to know more detail you should ask him to explain. Maybe the situation, once clarified will become, if not acceptable, then understandable.

Oh, and if you were in Reading why didn't you let me know? We could have had a swift bevvie one evening !

[angieh]

A real dilemma Kazz, as you know only too well - whatever you do will be seen as wrong by the other party. If it were me, I would want to talk to the guy at the very least. Depending on what he tells you - ie. the current state of his marriage, would depend on whether to take further action, such as giving him a timescale for being honest with his wife. Of course, the "other woman" MAY not know he is married either.

I don't envy you, but I don't think you will be comfortable with doing nothing.

[meep]

I agree with Yola and was going to say the same thing: you have only seen one thing, evidently a very horrible thing to see, but you don't know the full story.

I am completely against cheating, and my gut instinct would have been similar to yours - rage! And I think if I was in his wife's position I would appreciate being told.

But, as many others have rightly highlighted, you don't want to make yourself piggy in the middle.

It is a really tough call. I also echo DM's concerns about sexual health.

Basically, you can't make a black-and-white accusation about the husband's behaviour but the wife has a right, and a need, to know.

Could you perhaps speak to the wife and make it clear that you don't want to be involved any further as all you know is what you saw on that one day and you haven't spoken to him (the husband) since, so you are just passing on information?

It is so hard, good luck with whatever you choose to do.

[Kazz]

See my problem here is of course is everyone who knows him (ie my family/friends) know him through/because of me and I do not think they will believe me about what I've seen as to be honest it is totaly out of character. And a good proportion of those don't think we should have split up anyhow.........

I am friends with his wife, she is nice. But as I said myself you never know what goes on in people's relationships at all do you. I am loathe to get involved. And may just do nothing. I do not want to get involved and so far have not.





And