URGENT I need advice now!

[Kazz]

Dilemma....and for me this is a kinda serious one. Well me being me its serious, not sure actually what to do which is unusual for me as well and I can't ask anyone close as you will see as the story progress's.

Right last week I was on a course in Reading..... ...quite a distance from home.

Based in a hotel in a conference suite, as I travelled down with Bex (work) whose little lad is starting school so we came home each evening. Anyhow a fair few people frm the course were staying at the hotel and while there on Monday afteroon after we broke up for the day, I saw a good friend of mine "male" booking in, I had no chance to speak because just then Bex pulled up and off we went.

Wednesday we had lunch in the hotel, then we all sort of pottered about as you do chatting etc smokers went outside, none smokers like me sort of broke into little groups as you do when you are waiting for a test. I went in then came out and into the lobby area and who is there but my friend but before I could speak a woman (I do not know) came over and kissed him.......then some off the course called them over and as they approached they were saying they were a lovely couple they met in the bar last night....when he saw me he froze literaly....froze. I did not speak and left the group he was still in shock I think as he did not move.

Luckily we did not have to speak but from the group I figured out "they were a couple" which is not true as I kow his wife very well although he is actually my friend and has been for almost 25 years...he has been married about 13 years, but they have been together about 15....I meet his wife then.

He has been in touch well was yesterday asking what I was going to do...and that simply is the question what do I do.

[Moli]

I would not do anything Kazz, stay out of it.....

[Kazz]

Opps meant to say they have two sons, 11 and 8. And I always considered them well matched, and I thought a solid couple - seriously.

A little history.....we were once engaged and lived together for a time, but we broke up amicably (ie no one else involved) just a sad situation neither of us could come to terms with caused us to break up. However due/because of that we have remained good friends.....and I like his wife.

The fact he phoned me yesterday at work means he was "up to no good" and does not intend to come clean as such to his wife otherwise he would no have contacted me in thats way. He would have said so, although to be honest as soon as I heard his voice and he said pretty much "Hiya its me what are you planning on doing" I hung up...so he had no chance. I am angry.....no idea why as he is not doing anything to me, upset he is my friend, upset for his
wife and heartbroken for his children as they so do not deserve any of this....no idea whats going on....do I contact him and meet him and try to figure it out or do I leave well alone....?

[Kazz]

Originally Posted by Moli

I would not do anything Kazz, stay out of it.....

I know Moli........... ...............my first instinct was to beat him senseless...................

[dandysmom]

That's a real moral dilemma. How much to you owe to such a long time friendship? How do you feel about cheating? Would you want to know if it were your OH? It could ruin his marriage. And if he's playing around there's always the possibility of STDs to be considered for his wife...... Afraid I can't say what I'd do in those circumstances.........

[random]

If it were me, i'd meet up with him and ask him why first before I thought about doing anything else and make my descion based on what was said for his 'reasons'.

[Moli]

Originally Posted by Kazz

I know Moli........... ...............my first instinct was to beat him senseless...................

Even if you do meet him and talk it through do you seeing it doing any good??? you do not know how long its been going on do you...? I personally think that if a man has cheated once, he will do it again and again!!

[dandysmom]

Agree with Moli there! And there is still the possibility of STDs if he's been playing around..that's what would worry me....

[Kazz]

Originally Posted by Moli

Even if you do meet him and talk it through do you seeing it doing any good??? you do not know how long its been going on do you...? I personally think that if a man has cheated once, he will do it again and again!!

See thats my opinion too. Aggghhhhh oh well I'll sleep on it - although to be honest I kinda think I wil be walking away....my gut instinct is to do nothing as whenever you get between a couple you always end up coming off worse.....but I am really annoyed I am in this position although a pure fluke.

[Kazz]

Thing is it is totaly out of character for him..........almost a totaly personality transplant as such.