Bumper was extremely special.
He came to me at the age of 5 years, after being hit by a car. The incident left him with major head trauma - which resulted in permanent brain damage.
It took a while, but step by step and day by day Bumper came round. He began to walk and eat better. He gained coordination and was so responsive. I knew I had to bring him home.
When Bumper met Asha (my dog), it was love at first sight. Bumper was still very much confused, and Asha helped to bring him round. I believe Bumper thought he was a dog, he spent so much time with her. He followed her round learning to be 'normal' again, and started copying her mannerisms. He jumped up at legs like a dog, sat for treats, ate out of her bowl with her, and expected to go out on walks with her as well. They groomed each other every evening.
For around a year, Bumper went from strength and strength and almost became a normal cat. He always had issues with distances & jumping, and his coordination skills were not what they should be. He was the cat who never landed on his feet, bless him.
He was the most affectionate cat I have ever known. He would purr like crazy if you so much as looked at him, and was particularly attached to his dad, Dave, who was similarly as bonded to Bumper. He was such a babe, he raised Mackenzie & Theo from teeny babies, cleaning them and showing them around, and they adored him.
After the first year, we started to see his little 'quirks' increasing and becoming more visible. But we kept on, anyway. As long as he was happy, so were we, and so was Asha, of course.
The last 6 months of 2004 were hard. Bumper began peeing on everything - the carpet, the sofas, the dog beds, everything but the litter tray. We tried everything, and had 4 sofas in 5 months, replaced the carpets with wood, etc. The pee wasn't a problem, the problem was that he didn't seem to realise he was doing it. He would almost act surprised afterwards. This worsened, amongst other things. He started simply peeing where he sat, and lying in it. All cat owners will know this is not something a cat will do.
Other behavioual & personality changes were more severe, and all got worse as 2004 came to a close. He started screaming in the night for no apparent reason, and falling over at seemingly random times. He would eat and turn to leave the food, then it was as if he would forget he'd been eating and go back for more. He would eat until he vomited. He started turning in circles, would stare at walls for hours, and probably most upsetting - started showing aggression to his 'kids', Mackenzie & Theo. One moment he would be grooming them, the next he would grab them and bit them hard enough to draw blood. Again, afterwards he would almost act surprised that he'd done it.
We were at a loss - every time we thought we had to say goodbye he turned around again and had a couple of good days, and when he would sit on your chest and purr for hours it was awful to think about not having him anymore.
We decided to just get through Christmas, and we had a really hard time. By New Year, we were having to confine him to a dog cage whenever unsupervised, to protect him as well as the other cats and our house. It was awful, he was miserable being in a cage all day and it upset us more that he became even more affectionate when he could spend time with us.
On 19th January, 2005, I eventually made the most heart wrenching decision I have ever had to make, and called the vet out to put Bumper to sleep at home. At 1.30pm, he died peacefully in his Daddy's arms, the way he used to love to sleep on his back like a baby.
I thought I was ready for it until the deed was done - I was hysterical. I was wracked with terrible guilt, and god knows where I would be without the strength & support of Dave, who locked his grief away to stay strong for me. I couldn't help thinking I had done the wrong thing, that I had killed him for the wrong reasons, that I was awful for thinking about killing him for months before his actual death. I could never have anticipated the feelings I would have, and although I hide my feelings away from home, I can now admit that without Dave and some other special people (you know who you are). I went through hell thinking that because he was so dependant on us and because he was so 'simple', he would be 'lost' somewhere after death.
Getting his ashes back from the Crematorium offered me some closure - he came home. But I still couldn't think about him without tears for many, many weeks afterwards.
Now, I do feel I did the right thing, he was visibly going downhill and I now know that I gave him so much more than many others would. I think that he could have died in 2002 - I gave him another 2 years of love, life & happiness.
I still cry about him, but more often than not it is with laughter when me & Dave remember his little ways - he was such a character, and there will never ever be another like him.
See you soon, Bumper my little fat cow-print kitty-dog.
Bumper & Dave - imagine a motorbike-like purr at this point
A painting by a good friend
