Creating a Bond and Confidence

[timber-]

Devon is doing great. He purrs when he sees me while in his crate and rolls over to show me his belly for a rub, but once he's out he is much more timid and does not interact with me. I always have him loose with Cheddar and his confidence level increases with him.

I want to build more trust between us and increase his confidence on his own but not sure how to go about it. Should I just let it be and let him come to me when he wants (which is never when loose with Cheddar), or have him loose on his own every now and again?

[fecto's mum]

In my experience nervous cats have always come to me when they wanted to, on their terms. I had a very nervous ginger she, Priddy, who you could only stroke with one hand and would never be picked up or approached if I was stood up. After I'd had her a few weeks she would tentatively come and sit beside me. If I put my hand out to stroke her she was off. Eventually she would curl up on my knee and sleep and I could stroke her with one hand. She never got any bolder and I had her for 13 years. I think Devon will come round and be much less nervous in time. He's only a baby and has plenty of time. Priddy was adult when I got her and had been badly treated so I consider myself very lucky that she trusted me so much. I think you've done a fantastic job with Devon and Cheddar and it shows in how they interact with you.

[timber-]

Originally Posted by fecto's mum

In my experience nervous cats have always come to me when they wanted to, on their terms. I had a very nervous ginger she, Priddy, who you could only stroke with one hand and would never be picked up or approached if I was stood up. After I'd had her a few weeks she would tentatively come and sit beside me. If I put my hand out to stroke her she was off. Eventually she would curl up on my knee and sleep and I could stroke her with one hand. She never got any bolder and I had her for 13 years. I think Devon will come round and be much less nervous in time. He's only a baby and has plenty of time. Priddy was adult when I got her and had been badly treated so I consider myself very lucky that she trusted me so much. I think you've done a fantastic job with Devon and Cheddar and it shows in how they interact with you.

It must have felt so nice being able to pet her. That is a great accomplishment.

I just feel like he doesn't like me all that much when he is loose. Why would he be scared of me loose? Could it be that he's still not 100% comfortable out? When he plays with Cheddar, he doesn't have a care in the world, but when I approach he avoids me.

There's still no interest in anyone wanting to adopt Devon. I'm in a way happy about that though. I feel like they do good for each other. Plus my partner hasn't said anything about Devon having to go.

[angieh]

Can I ask ... when Devon and Cheddar are out and playing happily together, you say that Devon doesn't approach you, does Cheddar? Or are they just so taken up in play that neither of them want to be distracted?

I'd say you are doing fine and let things happen - it's hard to be patient, I know! Have you tried feeding Cheddar wee treats by hand .... could you tempt them both together this way?

[fecto's mum]

With Cheddar being so bold with you I think he will teach Devon that its OK to approach you. Good idea from Angie to use treats as a bribe. I'm glad that you are thinking of keeping Devon, it could be a bit traumatic for him to be moved from his comfort zone, especially as he is such friends with Cheddar.

[Elaine]

I have found that little things help, like sitting on the floor (at his level) quietly reading or listening to music allows them to check you out a bit, don't make any sudden movements towards him just allow him to check you out, climb on you or whatever initially.
Also swishy toys like feathers on the end of a pole or string, something they can pounce and catch helps with their confidence and the interaction between you both.