Trouble coming to terms with my loss

[chriswt]

Hello all,

On Monday night my 3 year old cat Ollie was killed by a car. My fiancee and I had a knock at the door at around 11.30 and it was our neighbour who found him shortly after the accident and told us straight away.

Althought its only been two days and in time I'll get over it but normally I can handle death very well with the loss of grand parents and family friends but for some reason my partner and I feel soo lost and lonely with our grieve for Ollie.

I know everyone says this but Ollie was such a character and acted more like a faithful dog than an independent cat and was very different to his brother (Stan) and our other younger cat (Chip). You could pick up and play fight with him and he'd never get annoyed or try to run away. He had 100% trust in me and would snuggle up with me at night and/or greet me in the morning. He'd also come running up the garden whenever I called his name and would follow me around the house and garden. He couldn't be without me for more than a few hours and missed me when I went away.

He didn't hunt birds and only found frogs and mice to play with until we took them away from him. Only when he discovered that you can't play with Rats did he start killing a few of them off.

When you picked him up he'd lay in your arms like a child without ever struggling and would stare at you longingly with his big eyes. When I had to pick his body up off the pavement on Monday night he felt exactly the same, all cuddly and warm, but his big eyes starring up at me were lifeless.

That night I had everything under control. I had his body wrapped up in blankets, the kitchen work tops cleaned down and even made sure all his blood was cleared off the road and pavement so it didn't stain. I tended to my devastated partner and I even got our other two boys (Stan and Chip) in for the night so they were safe.

I'm going to miss him terribly and I feel so lonely without my little faithful companion. Even though I'm a 30 yr old male with plenty of mates I still consider him to be my best friend would be there whenever I was down and would come to me of his own accord if I ever looked sad.

On the outside I'm composed and strong but inside I'm hurting so much. At the moment I need him more than anything and he's the one that's not around.

Regards

Chris

[yola]

Oh Chris. You have me in tears . . . I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. Ollie sounds like the perfect cat and your pain is obviously profound.

You are doing absolutely the best thing. Your talking about him, about his death and about your feelings. I'm no therapist, but the one loss I experienced that really affected me was lessened to some extent by just talking endlessly about it. Thankfully those around me had broad shoulders (and earplugs ).

As a small groups of cat lovers here at Catsey, we have all experienced similar hearthache . . . some very recently.

Please feel free to pour your heart out as much as you need and maybe when you feel up to it, post a tribute in our 'Gone but not forgotten' section . . . that way there will be a permenant tribute to Ollie here for him.

Hang on in there.

[chriswt]

Thank you very much Yola, sorry for making you cry .

I do find talking about it is the best thing but it's knowing that most people don't understand about the bond between some owners and pets. One day I'll looke back and smile and laugh at all the memories but its all to painful at the moment. I'm too focused on getting over it rather than letting time play its part.

One hard thing is to come to terms with is that I'd always give him a big hug and tell him that I'd always protect him and not let anything happen to him but when I bought him back into the house on Monday night I felt that I had failed him.

Even though I've occationally get into road rage and perdestrian rage with drivers who decide to speed down our road it still wasn't enough for Ollie and I feel guilty even though there was nothing I could have done.

[yola]

Don't feel guilty It's a situation that's totally out of your control. Sadly, a car doesn't have to be going very quickly at all to cause fatalities in a cat so the car may not even have been speeding. I'm sure if the driver realised what had happened they too would have been very upset. But I agree with you - I've turned into a bit a of a fist-shaking ranter when it comes to speeding drivers (having cats AND kids makes me a bit mental in the department )

But the truth is, we can't always protect them. Cats are free spirits who are programmed to investigate . . . you can only do what you can do.

[Grete]

So sorry for your loss, poor Ollie

I can only echo Yola, that talking about our babies helps and you are amongst people who know just how you feel.

I know a lot, if not all of us, still miss those that have been gone for years now and they are forever locked in our hearts.

Your grief will ease with time and you will be able to look back and laugh at the things he did.

Try not to feel guilty - you did everything you could, you gave him a loving, comfortable home and even in his short life, he was very loved. The saying quality over quantity is often used and it's something I very much believe in.

Your boy is at the rainbow bridge now, playing with all our babies that have gone before and they will love him too

*hugs*

[angieh]

Oh dear Chris, you've had me weeping too. Ollie sounds like the perfect cat - the one we would all love to have. I am so very sorry about this tragic accident.

As Yola says, it does help to talk - and members here do understand absolutely what you're going through. You've made a very good start eloquently telling us about Ollie. Just keep doing it - there's nearly always someone here who will listen and appreciate what you're saying.

[chriswt]

Originally Posted by Grete

So sorry for your loss, poor Ollie

I can only echo Yola, that talking about our babies helps and you are amongst people who know just how you feel.

I know a lot, if not all of us, still miss those that have been gone for years now and they are forever locked in our hearts.

Your grief will ease with time and you will be able to look back and laugh at the things he did.

Try not to feel guilty - you did everything you could, you gave him a loving, comfortable home and even in his short life, he was very loved. The saying quality over quantity is often used and it's something I very much believe in.

Your boy is at the rainbow bridge now, playing with all our babies that have gone before and they will love him too

*hugs*

Thank you Grete, Yola and Angieh,

I hope is playing at the Bridge because all he wanted to do was make friends with other local cats and they all hissed at him apart from his brother and little step-brother (he never quite grasped the idea of being cat-like!).

As for the car not speeding, that's what I've told myself becasue I've been there myself when I was 18, doing dead on 30mph and not even having time to move my foot to the break pedal. I was really upset too.

Ollie was hit by a car this time last year right infront our our eyes but the lady driving was going slowly and managed to brake a bit so Ollie only got a knock and then off to hide on my bed. I thought that may be that was his walk up call but he soon forgot about the dangers.

I'm so glad I've found this forum and really appreciate all your replies.

[dandysmom]

I'm glad you found us too, Chris. Most of us have experienced a loss like yours, and know how much you are grieving now. It does take a while for the first awful grief to abate a bit, but it will; and you've done the best thing by talking about it to sympathetic ears. Keep talking as much as you need, and post pics of your dear Ollie if you like. He sounded like a wonderful cat and has left a cat-shaped hole in your heart, I know. And please try not to feel guilty; it was not your fault; you gave him love throughout his life and that matters. (((hugs)))

[Kazz]

Its the sudden loss that is upsetting...if they are poorly you "put your guard up" so to speak unexpected death is like leaving you hanging by a thread.

Welcome to the board by the way.

Karen

[chriswt]

Originally Posted by Kazz

Its the sudden loss that is upsetting...if they are poorly you "put your guard up" so to speak unexpected death is like leaving you hanging by a thread.

Welcome to the board by the way.

Karen

Thank you and yes it's the suddeness thats got me. These are my first pets but my partner had her childhood cat for 18 years up until 2003 and although she was up set we knew that she was suffering and her life up until her illness was wonderful and health. She knew she didn't have long left and was ready for time when she had to say goodbye to her.

Ollie was at the beginning of his and all our plans of our first child, our house move next year and our long term plans involved all three of our cats. We just didn't think of them as just pets.

Right now the little begger would be trying to climb onto my laptop for some affection but he's not.

Well, this site is helping massively and hopefully I'll be able to help others in the future now that I've found it.