Raven has Kidney failure :(

[jacks]

Im so sorry for your loss.My heart goes out to you.
Sleep tight Raven. X

[jan]

I am so sorry, we all share your pain and so many of us have been in exactly your position. Words are so inadequate at a time like this. Thinking of you. Jan x

[Moli]

So sorry....
Run Free little one ..xx

[JBalways2000]

Thankyou all We just dont know how we are ever going to get through this. How can we cope? It hurts so much being home because we are seeing him absolutely everywhere, but then its so painful leaving the other kitties when we have gone out and then returning and not having Raven greet us. Every time we have got back we have been in tears just walking through the door because hes not there rolling over when he see's us. He was such a special boy-he didnt like other people at all and would fly up the stairs and under the duvet on the rare occasions people come round, but somehow he always knew when it was us coming home and he would come running with the little cry he always done. How can we never get to stroke him again? to cuddle him? to have him climb on our laps and purr louder then you could imagine? I just cant bare the thought that we will never have those things again. He meant the world to us, and the other three do too and it just feels like such a big piece of our family is missing. i didnt know that my soul was split into 5 until this happened. We are just finding it so hard to do anything. even eating reminds me of him being there nosey seeing what we have. i dont even want to eat. i hate feeling this way and i know Raven wouldnt want us to be this way-he and AJ already pulled me through depression and phobias and OCD from when we had them and i know i would be letting him down if i went down again, but right now i just dont know how else to be. Just being in the living room is too hard to bare, thats where most of the happiest memories were made. just the simplest of things that i never knew could be so special, like him curling up on our laps while we watched a movie, or him having a mad dash around while we are trying to have dinner and making us worry hes going to pull the laptop down in the process.I even want the tempermental Raven who would slash out once he had had enough fuss. I would give absolutely anything in the world to have him back. I know it must have been his time to go and i know he isnt truely gone because the cats have proved that to us-i know they can still see him even if we cant. But it just hurts so much right now. How can we ever get over this? Im greatful more then anything that we have the other three boys, i dont know what we would do without them right now

[angieh]

JB - I really feel for you and I know what you're going through. Reading your post has bought tears to my eyes and reminds me of how I felt when Merlin went, and he was an old cat who had lived a very good long life. I know that cold sick feeling in the pit of your stomach and the terrible ache just to give him a stroke or a cuddle.

Can I just assure you that like all grief, the feelings very gradually lessen. They say time is a healer and that may sound trite now, but it is true. Very slowly you will be able to think of little things that Raven did and smile instead of sob. Just know that we are here to listen to you and to understand.

((((HUGS)))) to you and your family.

[yola]

What you're doing - talking about your loss, your feelings and your sadness is so good because it will help you focus your grief and this in turn will trigger the slow healing process. Keep talking about Raven, we're here to listen - believe me, I know how you feel.

I had one sick old cat who didn't recover from a dental (guilt, guilt, guilt), and another who was only 6, just keeled over suddenly whilst I was out of the room. We never got to the bottom of what happened but it was a massive shock and over him I cried for days. It helped coming on here and reading the stories of others' loss and knowing I wasn't on my own.

[dandysmom]

Angie and Yola have put it so well. l was desolated when my old Patches went in her sleep one night at 20 and I never got to say goodbye and wondered if she'd been in pain or called out for me and I was asleep. The support I got here was incredibly helpful for the grieving process; just knowing that others understood was very comforting. The pain will wear off slowly and you can remember all the little things that made you smile. (((hugs)))

[JBalways2000]

Thankyou all so much for being so kind and for sharing your own stories. One of the worst things about all this is that our boy was only 3 years 7 months old-we feel like it was no time at all but we would rather have had him and feel all this pain then to have never had him in our lives. I just took it for granted that all four of our boys would be here in 20 years time and see it all with us, i never realised before now just how precious time was. Even losing my Dad never woke me up to that fact as much as losing Raven has. Reading about your 6 year old brought tears to my eyes Yola. I know that it is going to be heartbreaking losing the boys at any age and in any way, but i cant imagine how it could have felt to have absolutely no warning at such a young age. It makes me realise how lucky we were, that even though we still had hope that he would pull through this and that we never gave up on our boy, our vet had warned us of what could happen.

We actually went to see our vet today-he only started dealing with Raven on monday because the vet that dealt with Raven 2 years ago and on thursday and friday was unable to see him. I think it was destiny though because Steve(the vet) is such a lovely man. we see the other two vets quite often, but have only seen Steve a handful of times. He told us how he lives close to the clinic so on monday night he had gone home and came back to check on him at 8pm. he said he was still the same as when we had seen him at 6pm at this point. then he went back again at 10pm. He said Ravens breathing was laboured and he was about examine him and was thinking that he needed to ring us to ask our permission to pts but he said that at that point Raven took one last breath and then went to sleep It hurts so bad but we know it all happened the way it was supposed to-just down to the fact that Steve was the vet that ended up treating him that day and then seeing him that night, the fact that Raven could have gone at any time but within minutes of the vet arriving to check on him he decided it was his time to leave. We told the vet thats because Raven always did what he wanted and he would have been too stubborn to let us or anyone else make that decision for him

Its just a great comfort to us that Steve was with him in the end, because i dont think we would be able to handle it at all if we had got a phone call the next morning telling us he had gone sometime during the night, alone and in a strange place, we would have fallen apart completely. We let Steve know that we are eternally greatful for that because i dont think alot of vets would have done what he did and then rang us to let us know so that we didnt spend all night getting our hopes up.

This whole painful time has made us realise how many people with have around us that care, and that includes everyone that has been so kind here. I can honestly say that i am part of many forums and this forum has the nicest, kindest group of people by far. I will be eternally greatful to everyone here too for thinking of us and Raven. I will definately be needing to come here to talk about things. Talking with Steve today made us both feel a little better, even he said he knows what we are going through because he has been there himself and it does help to know others have had this pain and lived through it and came out of it being able to smile. I know we will reach that point, but it just seems so far away right now.

I only work two days a week from home and i suffer from agrophobia which means we usually spend alot of time at home, and im so glad of that because it means we spent alot of time with Raven. but these past few days we have been so torn between badly wanting to stay at home with the other boys, who are truely the main thing keeping us going, and wanting to be out of the house because right now all the memories are too painful. I havent been able to sit in the living room yet, and i havent eaten a meal since monday, but im going to attempt both this evening. I dont know if il be able to because it hurts so bad and doing anything normal feels so wrong because hes not here, but i have to do it for him. my heart is truely aching, i just want him so badly

We also collected some of his fur from the vets while we were there-when we said goodbye on tuesday the nurse asked if we wanted some and at the time i said no, but i rang back later and asked if they wouldnt mind because im hoping to get a type of locket to put some of his fur in and a photo so that i can keep him close to my heart at all times. my OH wants to do the same. I know he will always be with us and that we dont need to have a bit of his fur or his photo to know that, but it will be a small comfort.

The boys have been acting differently too, they are hardly leaving us alone which i am so greatful for because it seems so quiet now with Raven not here. he was the one that seeked attention the most and he was certainly the noisiest! his purr was so loud, i hope i never ever forget what his little cries and his purrs sound like because they are the purest sweetest sounds in the world right now. Id give anything to hear them again

Thankyou all again for letting me talk about Raven and my feelings. I have told my OH to do the same as it really is helping me to talk to others that have been through this. big ((hugs)) for everyone, especially those that know our pain Its a pain that i would wish on no one.

[dandysmom]

I'm so glad that we've been able to help in a small way at this very difficult time. JB.

[angieh]

I am so glad that you were able to have a comforting talk to Raven's vet. He does sound like a very caring man and it is indeed comforting to know that he was with Raven at the end.

Keep talking JB.