Help with my Daisy!

[Abbi]

Hi Everyone

This is going to be a long one! :o

Daisy is my oldest cat that I got 11 years ago from a rescue centre (she was 2 when I got her). The day I bought her home she was very scared and stayed under the unit in the front room for hours and hours - I eventually tempted her out with a soft calm voice and some food. This was the start of a lovely relationship.

I lived alone for approximately 1 year Daisy was happy coming and going as she pleased but mostly stayed in with me as a lap cat. She could be unpredictable and every now and again she would swipe out and me with her claws out and scratch and then get off my lap - almost like a "get off me I have had enough". The lad I was seeing at the time moved in and Daisy took to him well and we carried on living as we were - with Daisy giving us the odd tap every now and then! I split with the lad 7 years later and again lived on my own for a while. Until I met my current partner, he used to visit just at weekends. The very first weekend he came to stay Daisy took one look at him and ran a mile! I didn't see her again until he left on the Sunday!

Each weekend was the same which was upsetting as Simon tired so hard to make it work with Daisy - he ignored her, tried to play with her, feed her - nothing seemed to work, it just got worse. Unfortunately for Daisy, Simon moved in with me - This made the situation 100 times worse we hardly ever saw Daisy she would come in at night eat her food, sleep and by the time we got up she would dart out!

We moved house last September and we obviously had to keep her in so she got used to the house. She found a "safe place" in the house and never moved from there while Simon was in, obviously when we were at work she would come and eat down stairs but as soon as we were home she would go back to her safe haven. I eventually let her out and last summer she spent the whole time outside, being fed by myself and my neighbour whenever she was about - I would try my hardest to get her into the house but as soon as she saw me she would run away - because she knew that I was going to bring her in.

We now have a routine sorted out - she still does not come down staris when Simon is home, but will come down to be let out in the evenings and I get her in a couple of hours later, Simon can not make a noise or be seen otherwise she will run off!

The cats have their own room and Daisy has her own window ledge that she loves and her own basket. If Simon enters the room she will hiss at him and back into a corner.

It's very very upsetting for us both and I have exhusted everything to try, I just feel very sad that the last years of her life are going to be spend un-happy and afraid (for no reason at all!!!) I could not bear to give her away and I think this late in her little life would be terribly un-fair after being a rescue cat anyway.

Any ideas - any help would be much appreciated!

Thanks
Abbi

[Azz]

Hi Abs!

I think it's down to a lack of socialisation at an early age (always very important in any pet). Perhaps she was mistreated before you rescued her and she associates Simon with this, maybe because he looks like the person involved or... smells like him (sorry Si no offence!). I know it sounds silly but it could be down to something as simple as the same deodorant (?)

I'd probably ask Si not to wear any aftershaves or deodorants (after a good scrub!) and then put them in the same room. If that don't work I'd try to make every experience Daisy has with Si around a pleasant one, or more importantly make sure it?s not an unpleasant one! Even if Si just sits in the same room with her in it with the doors shut and without him trying to communicate with her or get her attention - basically ignore her, but if she approaches Simon he should just smile or be nice. I know it sounds daft but it?s worth a go?

How does she get on with Amber and Archie?

Hope this helps Ab!

[Abbi]

Thanks for your help Azz, we have tried similar things to your suggestions, unfortunately none have worked.

She does not particularly like A&A - she tolerates them, if Archie is playing to close to her she will swipe out at him - he just looks at her as if to say "what was that for" and carries on! She never plays with them - just looks on from a distance. Amber is quite scared of her I think - always takes a wide berth when walking past her.

She has been odd from the start not normal behaviour - your probably right in what you say about the smell or looking like somebody who badly treated her - and she was badly treated - she completely trusts me comes to me has a stroke and a cuddle - it's funny because if I am ever off and Simon goes to work she comes down and completely normal in the house as soon as she hears the key in the lock - she's gone! Same if I come home without him in the evening, she is down with 5 mins of me getting in - she knows he is not with me!

Her body language completely changes when he is in the "cats room" and we do our ironing in there on a Sunday - all quite and calm with me in the room too - she will come to me but if I leave the room she runs back to the window ledge. It's so sad - she likes my mum but she has swiped at her many times and when she is out at the weekend she will go and say Hi to Nicki next door but has drawn blood with Nicki before with the swiping out! It's quite embrassing really!

I do love her to bits though!

Abs

[Azz]

aw bless she sounds like a real character! I bet the BBC could run a program on her! But seriously have you thought about a behaviour therapist? I've heard sometimes they can work wonders...

[Abbi]

I have thought about it - but she is an old lady and I dont think it would be fair at this stage in her life to bring in strange people - it might possibly make thing worse?

If she was a young cat I might consider it.

Does that make sense?

[Azz]

Yeah it makes total sense as I know how much you love your babies (protective mother!). She sounds happy enough in herself tho so don't worry - Si will just have to put up with it :-)

[jen.s.f]

She is only 11, not that old for a cat, she has probarbly got a good 5 years plus left in her yet, thats a long time to carry on like she is. I would visit the vet and ask to be refered to a behaviorist.
Have you tried withdrawing all attention from her yourself and letting Simon take over her daily care. I know it is hard, but it might just work. Get him to feed her, clean litter tray, even try to play with her but without actually touching her, also tell him not to try to make direct eye contact with her as most animals see this as a threat. I'm not that up on cat behavior, but have studied dog behavior in some depth and this is how I would treat a dog with the same problem.
Good luck and let us know how you get on.

[Azz]

Yeah I never thought of that actually - good one Jen!
Let us know if you try it Abs!

Also, Jen - have you checked out dogweb.co.uk/talk ? It's like this but for dogs!