Still scared of us 2 months down the line

[lyndyloo]

I got two ginger toms early Feb 2010 from the RSPCA they were apparently about 3 months old and siblings. They were rescued from an old guy in a caravan who had 23 cats!!

When we got them home we kept them in the spare room (with door open) to begin with so they could get familiar with their new family and surroundings. Everytime we went hear them got hissed at, they never tried to bite or scratch us. They slowly came around over a couple of weeks, exploring, playing runing and pouncing games with eachother.

They have got used to us, and will come and take treats out of our hands, they sleep on the foot of our bed and play with our toes under the blankets. but they still wont let us come near enough to even stroke them!!!:cry: We are devistated about this as my mom had two kittens and my boys (age 4 and 6) could pick them up, stroke them and carry them around. And they begged us to get cats which is why we got them, but its so frustrating not even being able to stroke them, let alone pick them up or have them sit on our laps while watching tv.

I dont know whether to pick them up and get them used to being handled or just let them come to us eventually on their owns. I feel they just get scared if I have to chase them around to catch them to stroke them. Its been a couple of months now.

What should we do??

Thanks.

[Elaine]

Souonds very much as though these poor youngsters had little to no human/cat socialisation.
It will take a long time and alot of patience to try to turn them around.
There are several people here with experience of ferals that may be able to give you much more help and advice than I can.

[lyndyloo]

the good news is I have been using the 'litter kwitter' and they are on the last stage and are actually using the toilet!!!

I do think they are older than i initially thought cause poor Ginger is now being humped by Panga. so Ive booked them into the vet for the 'snip'. Hopefully once they have been 'snipped' they might be more dosile enough to get used to being handled. or am I clutching at straws???

[dandysmom]

Elaine has said it; they are semi-feral still due to poor socialization as kittens. I definitely would not try to pick them up, etc. when they're obviously wary/uncomfortable with it. Time and patience will help, but I doubt if they will ever be cuddly lap cats. I hope those who are more familiar with ferals will have some good advice.

Edited" your post came as I was typing; neutering should definitely help!

[angieh]

I think you have come a long way with your boys if they will come and take food from your hands and sleep on your bed. I'd definitely not push it - I don't think they can be scared of you, but as the others have said they were not socialised at an early age. Having them neutered should help a lot, but I would still recommend a softly softly approach. Keep offering them food and speaking gently to them. They've had a rough start and I expect you are right, they may older than you originally thought.

[lyndyloo]

My friend is moving and is no longer able to keep her 4 year old girl cat.

We are thinking of adopting her for a couple of reasons. firstly she is a lovely very friendly cat and we want her to go to a good home. Secondly we think maybe she would be a good role model for our two boy cats who are still very nervous and unapproachable.

Should we decide to get her, we would of course introduce them and see what their reaction is to someone in 'their' house.

But then we think we are mad getting another cat considering we already have 2 and 2 rabbits.

Any thoughts?

[dandysmom]

I think it's a good idea; her friendliness might very well help your boys socialize better. Have they had the op yet?

[calismum]

Sounds like a good idea. It may be though that you gain a nice friendly female but it won't make a huge difference as to how your two boys relate to you.

I adopted two feral sisters and although one eventually came close enough to let me give her a chin tickle, the other wouldn't even take atreat from my hand. I think the fact your guys will do that shows how far they have come.

You never know love and patience can work wonders.

Good luck.

[lyndyloo]

I think it's a good idea; her friendliness might very well help your boys socialize better. Have they had the op yet?

yes they both have been snipped about 3 weeks ago now, poor boys. It hasnt made much difference to their 'friendliness' but only time will tell.

They do love sleeping on the bottom of our bed though, and even if i push them over to the side as long as its under the blankets and dont show my hands they are quite happy. I wonder if they were abused prior to us getting them as they are petrified of sudden movements particularly with our hands, however loud and strange noises they go and investigate! I can get quite close to them with my face and they have even touched my nose with their noses, but thats only when they are on the bunk bed and cant see my hands.

[dandysmom]

They're improving! I'm certain they were never properly socialized as kittens, handled, etc., but it's really taking a while. I do hope the friendly female will help. What are the boys names?

[lyndyloo]

They are Panga and Ginger. My other two boys (children) named them :)
They were never handled as kittens, we got them from the RSPCA and they had been locked in a caravan with 24 other cats!!! When we initially got them we thought the guy who's caravan it was lived with them but we found out afterwards that he didnt, just went in to feed them and change their litter!!!
Poor things!

[dandysmom]

What a dreadful beginning in life for them, no wonder they're so wary! I think they've come a long way, they may never be cuddly lap cats but it's a great improvement, especially the nose-touching. Poor little mites, glad they've got a loving home with you now.

[lyndyloo]

Their names are Panga and Ginger. My other two boys (children) named them.

[niki71uk]

my younger cat who was 2 in march,has never really been a cuddly cat,ive had her since she was 6 wks old.she was cuddly when younger but now,i hardly see her,she uses the spare room as her space,only at nite when its dark and she feels safe will she come on to my bed for attention,i try every day to stroke her even for 2 mins

i have a bowl on my computer desk i use to give her treats so that i can get near her,i have never been able to brush her,and once a yr i take her to the vet for her flea injection



guess its just how she is :roll:

[RFM]

I've worked with feral cats for awhile now. I actually have one from a litter we fostered 3 years ago. She never came around to human contact, so while her brother and sister became the sweetest, most loving little friends, Claire just never could trust us. Therefore, we could never adopt her out as most people, like yourself, desire sweet and cuddly kitties (totally understandable) and she required a lot more work than most people are willing to put in. It is now 3 years later and she allows us to pet her at least once a day, allows us to brush her some and enjoys being in the same room with us, however, she still does not trust us enough to sit in our laps (she is considering it though and will come sit next to me sometimes and every so often she will sit in my lap but that typically lasts only about 5 minutes and the longest was 30 minutes....and she is a nervous wreck the entire time).

We have to give her a ton of space and never force ourselves on her. Ferals are some of the most rewarding babies when you finally earn their trust but you have to do it slowly and diligently. Adopting the older/sweeter cat can indeed be a great role model for your boys. Claire def. bonded with our kitties before she ever bonded with us and that gave her a 'safe' place to go (her kitty friends) when she got stressed. The same may work for your boys.

Take your time with them and don't push. As someone said above, they may never be the sweet cuddly babies you thought you were getting, but you can teach your boys so many different lessons with these guys (patience, understanding, tenderness) that they wouldn't get with a perfectly domesticated kitty.

Ferals can be a challenge but are more than worth the effort!

[lyndyloo]

My boys are settling nicely now, they sleep on our bed every night now, play with our toes and come when they are called. We still can't approach them to stroke them but they are happy to be around us. If I am busy somewhere they come up and lie down about a meter away from me and sometimes sit quite close to me on the couch. We wouldnt give them up for the world, I absolutly adore them.

We have recently adopted a 4 year old female and she is very friendly, we were hoping she would be a good role model as well as helping out a friend who could no longer keep her. When we are stroking her and she is sitting on our lap and the boys seem are very interested with almost a curious look on their faces as to say.. hmmmm, but even if they dont get cuddly i dont really mind, its just they look so soft and huggable! :)

My son stroked the more timmid one, Ginger this morning, he said he put his hand out and tried then Ginger moved a little but settled down again to be stroked about 5 times so they are getting better. yay... like you said it takes time!

the only thing about getting the female, is that I had managed to toilet train the boys using the litterKwitter, but now they are back to square one cause I put down a litterl tray for her and they use it now too. oh well.

Thanks for all your advice.

[dandysmom]

They're coming along very well! Seeing the female (what's her name, BTW?) enjoying a lap is apparently giving them ideas that it might not be so bad after all! Keep it up, and thanks for the update.

[lyndyloo]

Yay, my boys are letting us stroke them now!!!
On there terms only of course. I cant approach them unless they are on our bed. And Ginger is still unsure but lets me stroke him, and Panga lets me scratch, tickle and stroke. Its soo rewarding. :)

[lyndyloo]

Our new kitty is Spyro, I think she has definately helped. When I stroke her and giver her attention around the boys, they look very interested as if to say ' hey whats going on here!' Great to finally hear Panga purring, music to my ears :)

[dandysmom]

That's such good news! Your patience and Spyro's example is really making a difference, Thanks for the update!

[random]

You may find that as they get older they will settle more, a few of mine never sat on laps for cuddles as kittens, farrrrr to much exciting stuff in the world! Anakin never let you pet him much 'til he was coming up for a year, he'd always 'attack' your hand and make it into a playfight, he never had much socialisation in his early days either.

My Tabs (now at the bridge) was the same, never touched by a human 'til we got her, I think she was about 5 weeks and she only really took to my dad. She'd sit on his lap and occasionally on mine (she was 'my' cat but I was only 8 when we got her!) but she was never really what you'd call a 'cuddly' cat.

But another of mine who had a bad start, Vitaani, is a notorious cuddlebum and even with strangers she is the first to go and greet and DEMAND to be petted from.

I personally have found as a general rule, that the cuddles come more with age as they settle down and develop into adults, so don't pin everything on their rough start. My cat Colin was born here and we did everything right with him, and he is probably the least cuddly out of my lot, he is very aloof and he doesn't like to be picked up but will come for a head rub and a chin tickle when he wants one.

[lyndyloo]

Ginger is getting more friendly too now. Last night he was curled up on the couch and I slowly sat down next to him pretending not to notice him. He then looked at me and stretched out so his paws were touching my leg. :)
reminded me of a teenage boy trying to sneek a subtle touch... hee hee.
I then scratched his head and stroked him for ages. And he was the most nervous of the two.
They have now started bringing us presents! a bird yesterday and a mouse this morning.. eeekk... They all have bells on their collars to try and stop them successfully hunting. hmm

[angieh]

Not so nice about the presents but very good to hear that Ginger is getting touchy-feely! A good sign.

[Manyana13]

Yay, my boys are letting us stroke them now!!!
On there terms only of course. I cant approach them unless they are on our bed. And Ginger is still unsure but lets me stroke him, and Panga lets me scratch, tickle and stroke. Its soo rewarding. :)
Oh thats so great to hear! They will come round slowly. In August last year I found Lola aged 6 weeks in the rain and a mess. Although she made herself pretty comfortable in our house from the onset and didnt really bother with my other 2, she was the same with us. She would dart at the slightest movment and wouldnt let us stroke her (unless she was asleep... she didnt mind then!). Anyway, over the last 2 months or so she has really made huge progress with us, and is so so loving (I am certain this may be an imposter). Although she is taking her time... she is certainly getting there just like your two:-)

[dandysmom]

Softly softly catchee monkey! Time and patience are working! :D