Feline laws- or wisdom passed from cat to cat

[cats' staff]

Dandysmom you have inspired me but I thought I'd better start a new thread rather than hijack the previous one
:smt005 It seems to be an innate feline trait; or maybe mum cat passes all this sort of information to the kits when they are little: like boxes and bags are meant to be sat in, always give your mice to your humans, try to sit on the paper/book your two-legs is trying to read, etc ........

A few I've observed
always wait until the scariest bit of a horror film before jumping on their heads/ suddenly yowling

A newly made bed is not fit for human habitation until you have thoroughly checked it out

Never accept the first food offered and always wait until they have bought the jumbo sized box of 'that food they really seem to like' before refusing to eat it ever again

A scratching post is for ignoring but curtains are for clawing

Add your own here..... I'm sure there are loads!

[dandysmom]

Great idea!

Well, there's the classic: When in doubt, wash .....

Always throw up your hairball on a soft surface like a carpet or bed, never on a tile or wooden floor which is easier to clean ...

The litter box must be instantly used the minute it has been changed ......

When you sense visitors aren't cat people, stare intently at them while edging slowly closer and closer...

[calismum]

Please lie in doorways so your human always knows you are there.

Wait until your human is about to sit down and jump into the seat to ensure it is comfy enough for them to sit in.

As soon as it is first light meow loudly - you don't want your human to miss the sunrise.

If non cat guests are due to visit, please chuck up any hairballs or part digested grass just prior to their arrival. Make sure you do it in a place it will be seen so they can appreciate you will not be doing anything like that during the meal.

Do not be rude by ignoring guests to your humans home. Always stay around until they eat. Then is probably the best time to use your tray - you won't be missing anything then.

[Moli]

Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat

[random]

When non cat people visit, always act like a cat possessed, find a toy and go wild, and even better, wind up the dogs if you can sense they are just NOT animal people, make it look like you live in a mad house. :evil: Maybe just mine? :lol:

[random]

The best way to use the litter tray is to kick out as much as possible before 'going', especially effective when visitors are due! (Honestly just beginning to think my lot don't like visitors and are trying to deter them!)

[Moli]

When non cat people visit, always act like a cat possessed, find a toy and go wild, and even better, wind up the dogs if you can sense they are just NOT animal people, make it look like you live in a mad house. :evil: Maybe just mine? :lol:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Mags]

Any cat restrained for the purposes of administering a pill has the potential to reach escape velocity.

Cats know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

The cat must select a position which causes maximum discomfort to people involved.

A cat can hear a can of tuna being opened (or the word 'vet') a mile away, but can't hear a simple command three feet away.

[dandysmom]

If your human leaves the bed at night for the loo, instantly move into the nice warm spot they have thoughtfully made for you .....

When they have managed to give you a pill, pretend to swallow, spit it out and remain uncatchable the rest of the day ......

[cats' staff]

If it is raining out of the back door miaow loudly at every alternative exit to demand the dry one

If your female human puts black clothes on send Tolly to rub his white bits against her legs, for light clothes either Smudge or Cleo will do. You must ALWAYS ensure that she leaves properly dressed which means that there must be cat hair visible.

Freshly raked soil is for rolling in- the little seed thingies are annoying though.

Sleep enough during the day so you will have enough energy to amuse your humans by jumping up and down on their heads at 3AM

(I'm glad it's not just mine.....)

[dandysmom]

Always offer to help your humans wrap presents even though they assure you they don't need assistance ........

If you live with two opposite sex humans, always use the "poor starving cat" face on the male, it works better on him .......

[angieh]

It causes more hilarity if you feel like playing major games with anything just when your humans feel exhausted and want to go to bed!

(Me a few minutes ago - yes Kizzy is PLAYING!)

You can tell whether your human really loves you if you fall asleep on them in such a way as to numb a part of their own body by keeping still so as not to disturb you!!!

(LOVE this thread!)

[pookyandjo]

its great fun to play "thundering herds of wilderbeast across the Serengetti" on the wooden floors at 3 am...(note.. this game can be played solo.. but is much more fun when played with a friend plus its noiser too which your humans will just LOVE!
it's also great fun to play "dead cat on the stairs" when your humans are trying to negotiate the stairs with the washing basket...

[dandysmom]

If it is raining out of the back door miaow loudly at every alternative exit to demand the dry one

If your female human puts black clothes on send Tolly to rub his white bits against her legs, for light clothes either Smudge or Cleo will do. You must ALWAYS ensure that she leaves properly dressed which means that there must be cat hair visible.

Freshly raked soil is for rolling in- the little seed thingies are annoying though.

Sleep enough during the day so you will have enough energy to amuse your humans by jumping up and down on their heads at 3AM

(I'm glad it's not just mine.....)

A corollary to this is:

In cold weather, hesitate a long time deciding if you do or don't want to go out....that lets the cold air inside....

[meep]

One that Darcy was very good at:

- when grooming yourself, make sure and do it right in front of your humans, preferably when they're watching tv sit right in front of it. Make sure you always finish off with cleaning between the hind legs and take as long as possible over this area.

:roll: I know it's not very nice but it was a habit of his!

[meep]

Oh and one more:

- when your human is carring a very large object, such as a pile of clothes for the washing machine, and they are unable to see the floor directly in front of them, try and offer your assistance by running immediately in front of their feet, occasionally coming to a complete standstill.

[cats' staff]

One that Darcy was very good at:

- when grooming yourself, make sure and do it right in front of your humans, preferably when they're watching tv sit right in front of it. Make sure you always finish off with cleaning between the hind legs and take as long as possible over this area.

:roll: I know it's not very nice but it was a habit of his!

and if you can make a nice, loud slurping noise that is even better

[Phoenix]

When you are out hunting, if the prey moves kill it.
If it doesn't move, eat it.
Make sure you bring back part of the prey for you humans though.

[angieh]

........ unless it's a shrew in which case you can let it run about in your human's house. This causes maximum amusement for humans who run about shrieking and waving their arms in the air. Strange because those shrews don't even taste good!

[dandysmom]

Water from a rainwater puddle tastes much nicer than the boring old stuff in your water bowl ......

[cats' staff]

.......once bored with your shrew make sure it crawls into a hidden place to die as it gives your humans hours of fun trying to find the source of the smell some weeks later.

[dandysmom]

.......once bored with your shrew make sure it crawls into a hidden place to die as it gives your humans hours of fun trying to find the source of the smell some weeks later.

And then drag it out months later when it has mummified and leave it where your unsuspecting human will step on it barefooted ......

[calismum]

Talking of barefooted. If you are going to upchuck in the middle of the night. Do it where your human will stand on it if they get up to the loo in the middle of the night.

[dandysmom]

Talking of barefooted. If you are going to upchuck in the middle of the night. Do it where your human will stand on it if they get up to the loo in the middle of the night.

Groan...that has happened to me twice.........:shock:... also the mummified mice .....:roll:

[Tink]

If you should ever miscalculate a jump or landing, stop and groom yourself and casually walk away..anything that happens you meant to do

If a human is using a computer, immediately jump on the desk and block the screen..especially if they are using the keyboard and staring intently. Matter of fact, walk across the keyboard if this is the case. When shoved aside, jump back up and repeat. This is a sacred ritual and must never be aborted until the human groans and leaves the computer desk. Take this opportunity to ask for what you want as they will give in to any demand at this point. Allow peace at the computer until you can think of something else you want. Then repeat the process.

[angieh]

:-D :-D :-D

Kizzy did just that a moment before you posted Tink!

[Phoenix]

Your people's dinner always tastes better than your own dinner. Stare intently with a "starving to death here" face until you get given some to try. Including when someone's eating a banana or other piece of fruit :roll:

(Not given in on that one yet though) :lol:

[janey83]

Talking of barefooted. If you are going to upchuck in the middle of the night. Do it where your human will stand on it if they get up to the loo in the middle of the night.


Ive dont that loads of times... and it was cold, ewww lol.

[cats' staff]

One from Smudge today....

Always leave the dead rabbit on the doorstep. It helps the female human with her singing practice when she opens the door and screams a top 'c '

(I'm not usually squeamish but it made me jump tonight and I think I then made the entire neighbourhood jump with my response :oops: )

[janey83]

One from Smudge today....

Always leave the dead rabbit on the doorstep. It helps the female human with her singing practice when she opens the door and screams a top 'c '

(I'm not usually squeamish but it made me jump tonight and I think I then made the entire neighbourhood jump with my response :oops: )


That got me laughing but aww poor rabbit!

[dandysmom]

:smt005 Good one, Smudge!

[random]

I found this!

http://www.ishaah.com/index.cfm?action=CatRules

[dandysmom]

Oh Random, that is funny! We've managed to cover a lot of the Rules already, haven't we?

[smokytopaz]

ROFLOL - all true!

[calismum]

Brilliant - lol

[cats' staff]

Today's special

Wish your human good luck when she has a scary presentation to do at work by affectionately scratching at her legs

(So that is why I usually wear trousers not skirts with tights......:roll: )

[John]

Wait until your humans favorite Television program is about to start and then demand to be fed and demand for them to open the door to be let out.. even if you have a catflap..Millie does this as soon as Eastenders starts

I have the impression that all cats think alike..

[dandysmom]

Wait until your humans favorite Television program is about to start and then demand to be fed and demand for them to open the door to be let out.. even if you have a catflap..Millie does this as soon as Eastenders starts

I have the impression that all cats think alike..

Or have all read the same rule book!:-D

[angieh]

...... or PM each other while we are all asleep!!!!

[pookyandjo]

yeah either that or SMS!

[cats' staff]

You know if they ever develop opposable thumbs the human race is in such trouble!

[smokytopaz]

You mean they haven't?

[cats' staff]

If they had it would mean Smudge could open tins of tuna herself.... :shock: I think the ability to open catfood and treats is the only reason she allows us to stay in her house

[pamela81]

they are great!!!

[angieh]

Thanks for resurrecting this thread - it's had me laughing all over again!

[dandysmom]

Thanks here too! Always a funny read.

[cats' staff]

A couple of recent ones

Staff may sometimes mistakenly buy 'cat beds' for your use. These are totally beneath your dignity and must be ignored. Demonstrate their folly by sleeping on pillows, sofas, in baths- in fact anywhere BUT the despised 'cat bed'.

String- your staff may sometimes dangle string in front of you and expect you to play. This string is sub-standard and must be ignored. The best sort of string is attached to human shoes and you can explain this by playing winsomely with it in the mornings when they are muttering about 'getting to work'

[dandysmom]

Brilliant, CS! Smudge et al are finally getting you properly trained.... :mrgreen:

[cats' staff]

Brilliant, CS! Smudge et al are finally getting you properly trained.... :mrgreen:

I'm a work in progress apparently