tigger is incontinent *emotional vent*

[Tink]

i'm a little frustrated. many of you know tigger's condition with the fatal tumor and how it's progressed.
well he started by missing the litter box but now i think he's completely incontinent as his bedding was soaked with urine this last week and it's getting really hard to clean up after him. he's also not grooming himself for a long time now anymore and smells bad from urinating on himself.
if it were your cat that had a tumor that closed one eye and made him breathe funny, started walking crooked, had inquenchable thirst, started missing jumps, and now is incontinent...what would you be thinking and what would you do?
i don't know if my feelings are normal but i think i'm dealing with his upcoming death in a strange way. maybe because it is easier but i feel angry. i know that's horrible. i feel guilty and it's not so much i'm mad at him, more like i'm mad with the universe and frustrated with the condition and what it's doing to him.
have any of you ever felt like this? am i completely wacko? do i just have mental issues?
i kind of feel like i'm avoiding him because i don't want to feel anything when he goes. isn't that horrible?
am i just dealing with what's to come in an abnormal way?
i feel like i could cry but the tears won't come. it's like i'm dried up. maybe i am just upset with myself. putting him to sleep even crossed my mind today but i put it out of my mind as this is not the time to make a hasty decision just because i'm upset.
i'm at a loss..and very frustrated, angry, etc..and feel horrible and guilty for feeling this way.

[Moli]

So sorry to read this Tink.....We all think as you do, try to ignore what is stareing us in the face, but at the end of the day, his quality of life is what is important, if he has no quality of life think there is only one answer...
Thoughts with you...Hugs..x

[dandysmom]

Oh Tink, I'm so sorry. Don't beat yourself up for your feelings, it's natural to be very conflicted at what you don't want to face up to. Anger is displacement. I do think it sounds as if it's time to let dear Tigger go, hard as it is. The last loving thing you can do for him. Big hugs, hon.....

[Tink]

Thanks, both of you. I have calmed down and talked with my mother over the phone about the kind of cat Tigger is and how he would like to live. OH and I are in discussion right now of possibly PTS :-(

[yola]

Tink, I think you know in your heart that the time is getting close. It's a terrible decision to have to make, and probably this is why your are running the whole range of emotions - the anger because you are unable to help and unable to avoid the ultimate decision.

I wish you and your family all the strength in the world . . . however once you have made the decision and Tigger is at peace I suspect the relief will be immense.

Stay strong sweetie.

[Tink]

Thank you, Yola.

Well we have decided that Tigger will be going to the bridge, at the latest, this weekend.
I will be calling his vet tomorrow when I wake up to see if we can get him in Saturday. If it needs to be sooner, then I will have to see about the ER vet or if I can find a vet to do a housecall as I am working around my OH's work schedule right now because I am not driving at this time. Or find a vet that is open later on Saturdays (ours is only open for two hours on Saturdays so I don't know if they can squeeze us in or not).
Sorry, I'm babbling and in robot mode right now. But I did finally cry when I called and talked to my mother again and told her our decision. Once OH nodded and said he agreed with me it all became real.:cry:
Apologize if i sound strange, I'm in a strange daze about it all at the moment and am feeling detached and clinical. I guess it's becoming not real to me again until I have a day and time set. Then I'll probably cry again.:cry:
If it has to wait till this weekend, it's going to be hard to know that all week but then it gives me some time with him.
However, tonight I picked him up so I could change his bedding out and he was soaked with urine :-( I cried then too.:cry:

[kado]

I dont know what to say. Sending you a big hug and you know we are all here for you.

jane X

[yola]

Tink, I'm glad you're able to cry now. Don't worry about not doing so I don't think it's a pre-requisite to feeling sad.

I was thinking about it just now; I felt terrible as I didn't really cry over my Dad's death - well maybe initially simply because of the shock. I thought there must be something wrong with me because I didn't. It's only when I read a book about coping with grief I understood that it's not necessary to cry - the feelings of loss, guilt, anger, sadness are all still there and are certainly not diminshed by lack of tears.

I do feel, and you and OH do, that you have made the right decision with Tigger. The poor love sounds as if he is finally loosing his battle.

[Elaine]

I cannot add anything more to what Yola has said.
All I will say is, and i know it's not easy, but try to stay strong for him. He needs you more now than at any other time.
All my love and best wishes xxx

[angieh]

A very hard decision to make Tink, but you know that you will be doing right by Tigger - poor boy. (((HUGS)))

[Mags]

Tink, we have 'watched' you give your utmost love and comfort to Tigger in the months you have had him. You have fought to encourage and keep him strong but I fear the time has now come when he is trying to tell you "Thank you Mom but I've had enough". It's not in a cat's nature to be dirty and he has now reached the stage where he is unable to look after himself and his quality of life is diminishing.

Stay strong Tink, let the tears flow ..... you know in your mind that you must do this last act out of love for him. I think I can speak for all of us here when I say we have admired what you do for all of your animals......your love for them all shines through your words.

Love and big hugs to you... xxx

[Tink]

Thank you all for your kind words.
Well, we are set for Saturday at 10:30 am. I called around and found a place that I like better than his regular vet that gives pre sedation to relax him and I think I'm going to go with that one since he hates the vet so much.
However, I left a message at the after hours (ER) clinic just in case. You see, I'm trying to plan around OH's work schedule because I can't drive and I want to have a backup plan in case Saturday is too long of a wait for him. I'm waiting on a call back to see if they ever do that or not. The reason I'm saying this is he vomited this morning and I'm preparing in case he really needs to go to the bridge before Saturday.
Sounding robotlike again, aren't I? I think I go into a strange clinical place when I'm hurting. Either that or I'm not human. Well, it is only Wednesday so time will tell I suppose how I begin to handle this.
Thank you all again for your support I will keep you updated as to his condition and if plans change for him to cross the bridge. I suspect I'll need all of your support. I love you all, thank you for letting me talk to you about all of this.
Tink

[Jasmine]

It is so sad when this happens because there is very little that can be done.

Seven years ago my cat Jasmine became incontinent at the age of 11 without any warning and no other illness - we managed to keep her with us for 6 months with the aid of tablets from the vet but realised eventually that the best thing for her was to be PTS.

Best wishes

[meep]

I can't say more than anyon else, and there have been some very wise words spoken, but at such an upsetting time, don't worry about your emotional reaction. As Yola has said, crying isn't the only way to grieve.

And Tink, Tigger has had the most wonderful place to be looked after in his final months by the most wonderful mum, and I'm sure he loves you for it very much. You have done everything you could for him, and more than most people would, so be comforted by that thought.

Stay strong x x

[dandysmom]

I can't put it any better that what's just been said. Thinking of you and Tigger with love; you've been the very best mom he could have had .......

[Natalie]

Such wonderful words of advice and comfort come before me.

Kist wanted to send you my love and prayers at this very difficult time.

Tigger is wonderful and you have been a perfect mom to him.

Big hugs xxx

[Tina]

So sorry you're having to go through this Tink. I can't say anymore than what everyone else has said, but agree that you are doing (as you always have done) what is best for Tigger. He will always be thankful that he had YOU to keep his spirits up and love him during his illness.

[farthing]

So sorry that you are having to make this decision, but it is one done out of love.

[Tink]

Thank you.
We are considering going to the after hours clinic tonight. Not definite but it is a good possibility we will be putting him down sooner.
I'm getting very depressed and falling behind on my chores and just want to sleep and not deal with anything.
I will keep posted...

[dandysmom]

Whatever you'll decide is what is best for dear Tigger. Of course you're depressed; this is a very sad and stressful time for you, and will be for a while. Don't worry about the chores, they'll wait; do the essential and the rest will be there when you're feeling a bit better. Wish I could be there with you, all I can say is that this is the last kindness you can do for him, although it is so, so hard...be strong, Tink, (((hugs)))

[Mags]

Try to stay strong for him Tink, this will be your final gift to him ........... he will be free of all pain and you'll know he'll suffer no more.

Don't beat yourself up about it, you are doing the kindest thing of all for him, if he could, he would thank you for this.

Take care, we are all with you and thinking of you...hugs xxx