Truth or a story?

[Kazz]

I just wondered if anyone had an opinion at all, my neighbour's dog was PTS today :( he was an older dog about 14ish I guess, and he was telling me they were going to tell the children they have 3, 10, 12 and about 14 that the dog had run away rather than tell them he had been PTS.
I said they should tell the children the truth the dog was elderly and the children really loved the dog and have spent all their lives with him, I think they would be more upset and for longer that he had run away and left them than the brief intense grief they would feel knowing he had been PTS and no longer in pain/discomfort in fact I think the parents should have told the children he was poorly and what they were going to do.

Do you have an view?

The chap and his wife are really nice people and this has baffled me a little as I would not have thought they would do this. Theirother option is to tell the children they had sent him to work on a farm as he is was a Border Collie cross.

[Fran]

I can't understand why they won't tell the children the truth :? I think hiding death from children causes a lot more problems in the long run. The earlier they understand about it the more accepting of it they are but that's just my opinion. I'd never dream of telling children that their pet had run away, the children might feel their pet was unhappy with them :( I hope this couple reconsider their explanation to their children Kazz.

[babycakes]

If they tell the children the dog ran away then they will be waiting for it to come back and when do you give up hope of finding them again? It's better for them to come to terms with an animal dying as it may be the first experience of death. Surely the truth is better.

[Kazz]

The children are at their grandparents they go to their caravan in the holidays for a week or so as Mom and Dad work, I felt so sorry for them today they were beside themsleves maybe they will reconsider. I do hope so.

[Jac]

They should tell them the truth. I have been through both senario's with Cilidh when the Cats went "missing" and both Blue and Sasha being PTS.
It is a hard thing to do, but teaching your children about death is easier for them to deal with. If they say the dog has run awaay they will be expecting it to come home or think it didn't love them.
I really hope this couple re consider.

[Jane]

I personally think it's best to know the animal died/was PTS. If they think the dog ran away then they would always be looking for him and waiting for him to come home, they would have hope that they shouldn't have because he's not going to turn up on the doorstep in the morning is he! I think it's better to know he's gone than the not knowing where he is or whether he's okay.

[Moli]

Think they should tell them the truth, its part of life, and owning a pet....

[Donna]

My children were so upset when their hamsters died, but I still think they should of known about their pets' deaths. I would never lie about something like that no matter how upset it made the children.

[Erin]

I think they should be told the truth,the poor kids will be looking out for him and really hoping that he will come home one day

[Elaine]

I think we tell children enough lies as it is. Death is an important part of life:? (contradiction or what:lol: )
Its always very painful to lose an animal but at least its final and the kids wouldnt be constantly looking out for the dog in the hope that it may return.

[dandysmom]

Kazz, if you read my thread yesterday about Precious the cat, you'll know how I feel, Precious had a RTA, but my parents told me she'd run away. To spare me, I suppose. I was in my late teens when I heard the truth,....t slipped out in conversation..... and I felt bitter at having been lied to, and as I said to Fran yesterday in the thread, it still bothers me after all these years! I hope they tell them the truth..!!!!!

[Kim]

I think they should definitely tell the children the truth; death is a certain part of life.

[yola]

Truth - above all else. Apart from the fact it teaches kids to disguise/bend the truth, death is a part of life and should be openly discussed.

When Darcy died in May, Dominik was upset alongside me - he was in the room when I came in and found Darcy, and experience my shock and pain - I didn't hide it from him.

We cried together and I explained to him what death was. He does kind of grasp the idea, even at 3 1/2 (at the time), and talks about it often as a means of developing that understanding. I feel strongly your neighbours are denying their children an important learning experience.

[mable1718]

i cant understand why they just dont tell there children the truth

[Emm]

Children deserve to know the truth!

Childhood is a preperation for adulthood. It isn't easy talking about death - but it is a part of life and something you shouldn't hide from children In most cases children view death totally different from adults any-way.

As a child I had to go through this many times and it was heart breaking - and I know it was really difficult for my parents to see us that way. But to have been lied to would have been far worse - plus if they had told us one of them had ran away we would have looked and looked and talked about looking for them - my parents would never had gotten any peace!

I hope they decide to tell them the truth - how can you raise kids telling them not to lie and then go and do it yourself to them.

[Darky]

Gosh, I could never tell a child a lie like that. What if they then believes that there was a chance that their dog would come back? That's just.. Cruel.

I was raised around pets, and my parents were honest, and I think that's why I'm so involved with pets as I am now. Because I knew of their health problems if they had any, and I often went to veterinary appointments, and it allowed me to learn things from a young age.

[Kay]

The truth is definitely the best option. Children have to learn to deal with death at sometime and to tell them he had run away just leaves open for them to believe he could come back. They need to learn how to grieve properly and there is nothing wrong with that. I feel that sometimes adults underestimate the way children can cope with the situation.

[sarahd]

We had a boxer years ago who went to live with someone else due to my son's disability and her being too boisterous around him.

We kept in touch with the new owners and visited often and had pictures sent etc. Sadly Sophie developed Kidney disease and became ill and then had to be PTS. Her new owner rang me and told me and then it was down to me to tell my sons.

I sent him an email from Sophie. She told him she had had to go to heaven as she was really poorly. She told him heaven was a lovely place and she felt so much better being there and how she wasnt ill any more and very happy.

Of course he was initially upset but he got over it by believing she was happy and no longer suffering or poorly.

Me, I was an emotional wreck sobbing and crying typing the email but it worked and saved my children so much endless grief and heartache in the end it was well worth it.

Sarah
x

[dandysmom]

Sarah, what a lovely solution! I am very impressed at you for coming up with that...