What are we doing wrong?

[Jane]

Hey!

Well Patch has never really been a people cat, he only ever has a hug in the night/morning with mum and dad because he sleeps on their bed. Throughout the day you are very lucky if you're allowed to stroke him! Okay, so he doesn't mind being stroked but he will walk away, not stand there and enjoy it. We talk to him a lot, try to socialise with him, stroking him, feeding treats etc. but he would never like sit on the sofa next to you and go to sleep (well he used to but not anymore) and try to pick him and you get your arms scratched off.

Does anyone have any tips? I guess maybe this is just the way he is and he wont be a cuddly cat? I mean if that is the case then fine, we can live with that, but could we be doing something wrong? We got him at about 11 weeks old, was that too early to get him? Before he came to us we assume he was never picked up, stroked, etc. etc.

Thanks
Jane

[Jac]

Hi Jane
Could be he wasn't socialised very well as a young kitten but by the sound of it you did that. 11 weeks is fine, anything from about 6 weeks for a moggy. Breeders usually keep there kittens till about 13 weeks when they have had there vaccinations. He's probably just not a cuddly cat. Like us humans some like cuddles others are more aloof. Don't worry about it sounds like your doing all the right things.

[Elaine]

Eva can be exactly the same, its every thing on her terms. She is getting better with age though, she is 3 now.
Maybe after he has been neutered he will come round to being a more gentle kitty.
Eva was taken from her litter mates and mum at an early age and I do think it has had an adverse effect on her socially.
Just keep loving him and talking to him, allow him to take it at his own pace but tempt him with treats too. You'll win him round eventually:D

[Jane]

Thanks guys, just needed the reassurance really that we weren't doing anything wrong. Will keep trying with him and maybe one day he'll jump into my lap to have a cuddle haha. But really, even if he is just not a very cuddly cat we're fine with that, it's just good to know we're not doing anything wrong.

[Donna]

My two cats dont mind a fuss but will only allow it if they want to!!! Both sleep on my bed of a night which is nice, and both come for attention.

But hate being picked up and you have to be wary of certain areas on Misty as she will swipe your hand off if you touch her feet or tummy!!!

[MrsH]

Both my cats were picked up, gently cuddled, talked to etc as young kittens, but are still rather aloof. Jason will come and greet you and loves having his tummy tickled but doesn't like being held. Molly runs off if you bend down to stroke her and never spends the evening in the sitting-room with us, but if you stroke her while she's in her basket, she'll purr away loudly. It's just the way they are, individuals, just like us.

[chrisratty]

No you are not doing anything wrong, some cats don't like being picked up. Loki our last cat would only be held by my son, I couldn't pick him up at times. Yet he was well socialised before we got him.

These 2 cats were different from the start, so affectionate & cuddly, so don't worry .

chris xx

[Jane]

Thank you everyone. It's good to know we're not doing anything wrong and this is just how he is. :)

[mable1718]

i hope everyone advice hepled i cant really add anything

[Samz5]

We have a cat who is exactly the same, for years he would let you stroke him but always walk off and you could never pick him up, I always wanted him to just enjoy getting a fuss and maybe even sit down near me every now and again but Tango is just not that kind of cat - unless your in the bathroom - hes a totally different cat in the bathroom for some reason!
Now he is 14 years old and pretty much the same, but my boyfriend has brought him out of his shell a little over the past couple of years, we can actually give Tango a cuddle and pick him up a bit now, and if we're really lucky he will sit near us for 10 minutes.
This may well be because hes getting on a bit now, but my b/f took a new angle with Tango and started picking him up, but the instant Tango wanted to be put down he was put down, over a few months the time between picking him up and putting him down was longer, we think with Tango he just wants to feel hes in control of the situation, and never like hes being held hostage with our cuddles!
Although you can still never hold Tango for more than a minute or 2 he does purr and enjoy it, and he comes to us for a fuss on a daily basis.

[dandysmom]

Everyone else has summed it up nicely; I can't add anything; and no, you aren't doing anything wrong. Some cats are real cuddly lap cats and some aren't. Leia doesn't like being picked up, but will come for a cuddle when she wants to; and does sleep in bed all night with me.