Could you share your husband?

[Nicola]

I can't believe how many ads I have come across lately:shock: It seems that swinging etc is quite popular:shock: Not my cup of tea. What does everyone else think?

[honeybunny]

I'm not married but if my bf was cheating on me I'd be furious and I certainly wouldn't encorage him. And I just couldn't do that wife swapping thing its gross. I guess some people maybe have dull sex lives and need to spice things up?

Not for me at all, ta!

[Tracey]

I am surprised that while surfing through Freeads...as you do.....there were people offering their "other halves" out. How bizarre.

I could never share my hubby.

[Nicola]

It's suprising what people get up to. Someone I thought I knew quite well said that she and her husband do this:shock: You may know someone who does this and don't even realise:shock:

[bobbie3917]

dont knock something till you have tried it ;)
i dont know i guess if you are both getting something out of it then maybe i would try it out (not that i have a OH) i dont think i could watch mind lol but as long as you know that you can still go on and not rud it in each others faces like he was better then you and all that

[Nicola]

Wouldn't want to try it to be honest. That's why I got married. To be with that one person for the rest of our lives:D (maybe I'm old fashioned):D

[Snoof]

We have an open relationship, but it's just something we both prefer. We're very committed to each other and we have a wonderful sex life, but sometimes we have sex (with extensive safety precautions) with other people, generally friends we know pretty well (and I will generally make sure their headspace is up to it to make sure there won't be any drama). It doesn't happen very often, mostly because he's busy and I'm ill :lol: But neither of us minds.

And it's only cheating if someone's being lied to. Neither Matt nor I feel cheated on, we don't lie to each other and we don't lie to the people involved. Anyone involved knows we intend to spend the rest of our lives together and that they will not be replacing anyone. Some of them are in relationships of their own (and in that case, yes, their partners are aware).

We're just not very jealous people - particularly not of physical affection.

[yola]

Wow Snoof - I'm full of admiration, I really am.

I don't think I could share my husband; I know we don't always see eye to eye, but essentially the love is strong (hopefully on both sides)! I haven't really thought about in in a great amount of detail (swinging), but 1st reaction is . . . naah. Not for me!

[Snoof]

Well, it's much like jetskiing or gardening or watching football on the telly, yola... Some people like it, other people don't, and as long as nobody's getting hurt by it I don't see why people should feel forced to do or not do it :-)

[bobbie3917]

see i was trying to say what Snoof did as long as your not the jealous type and you both 100% agree it should be fine and work well.

i was shocked when i bumped in to a friend on a site i thought no friends would be on and the best thing was as soon as they noticed me they jump right out and said HI

[Snoof]

:lol: Nat :lol:

It's filled with drama if you're not careful - that's the bit that bothers me most. I'm generally pretty good at sussing out if someone understands that I'm not going to leave Matt for them and what the deal is... Matt is awful at it. Last time he met someone he was interested in she decided later on that he was Satan and tried to talk a close friend into dropping everyone he knows who ever speaks to Matt :shock:

Thinking to myself, "Thank goodness he didn't sleep with that one" :roll: :lol:

[bobbie3917]

yes you have to be good and working out what ppl want and you have to be very up frount about every thing i worked that out quickly

[Nicola]

Did you meet the people through adverts or did you already know them?

[Snoof]

I have never gone through adverts. They're very often people who know us, know what we're like, and want to try it. A woman I know is single and has the same lifestyle (she doesn't want a partner at the moment), the last couple I slept with just wanted to try it and the guy before that is in a similar relationship.

I personally much prefer it be someone I know. I'm allergic to drama, so I really like to know them as friends so I can see if a) I like them, b) they can deal with it, and c) we'll be able to stay friends after.

But it's by no means the most important part of my relationship with Matt. It's just something we enjoy doing that neither of us has a problem with.

[Julie84]

Well, it's much like jetskiing or gardening or watching football on the telly, yola... Some people like it, other people don't, and as long as nobody's getting hurt by it I don't see why people should feel forced to do or not do it :-)

I've always felt a bit weird for thinking like that (or made to feel weird anyway). It's not something I have ever taken part in, and is unlikely to be something I'd ever do, but I see no great problem with it as long as all parties are aware and happy and safe sex is paramount.

I'm rather shy so don't think I could but Neil has already asked permission in case Cat Deeley comes calling! :roll: :lol: I don't think I'd have too much of a problem as long as all the rules were laid out first.

Cheating is completely different and me and the animals would be gone before he got home if he ever did that!

[Snoof]

Cheating is a disgusting thing to do to someone. I don't know a lot of people who have an open relationship (only one actually, but he's not the cleverest...) who condone it.

[Nicola]

Me and my husband are too jealous and I think I would feel hurt if he ever suggested it as he would if I suggested it but hey, everyones different:)

[Naomi]

So long as ground rules are laid first and everyone understands them and BOTH partners agree then I don't see a problem.

[Kim]

Sorry Snoof, I certainly can't say I feel admiration for you :? - but hey each to their own!

No, I could definitely not do it. Apart from the fact it goes against everything I believe in as I'm a Christian, I just cannot see the appeal. I love my OH and would never want to share him. Can't see the point of marriage vows if you intend to have a so called 'open relationship'. We have been married for 24 years this month and although I have met men I thought were attractive I have certainly not had any desire to sleep with them!

Just my opinion though - I know we are all different.

[janey83]

Things are bit slow, with my new fella, not even told me parents that Ive met him yet. (they have got a shock coming there way aint they! first i meet my new fella n not told them, Then i get a fine n not told them!) Oh im so stressed.
But if i was married i wouldn't want to share my husband! That would be not nice!

[CathyW]

no way could i share my husband.

[EmmaG]

I could share mine, like when he doesn't tell me where he is and that he is ok!!! lol :-D

seriously, I am not sure that I could, I use to be a very jealous person but I just don't seem to be anymore (after being with somebody for over 14 years has for me, relaxed me totally in that way :roll: ) but I think if it came down to it the jealousy would rear it's head again, I suppose one reason I am so relaxed is because I know he would never do anything with anybody else.

I know we could never have an open relationship as he would never be happy about me having sex with somebody else.

[MzTrouble]

I'm afraid I don't really understand the whole open relationship thing :?! I really feel that if you want to be with someone, and you want to comitt to them, then you should be with them alone. And even just leaving the whole belief thing alone, I would be extremely worried about STDs. Even when using a condom, you are still at risk of catching an STD and for me, the risk (both for me and my OH) would be too high.

Obviously, this is just my opinion and its no accusation towards anyone else, just how I feel.

[Jac]

This is not the kind of discussion I'm used to on CP and quite honestly in my oppinion should be kept for an over 18 forum. CP has two under 16 members that I know of (there could be more). Lets keep it an open un sex happy place. (obviously my oppinion)

[Az]

This is not the kind of discussion I'm used to on CP and quite honestly in my oppinion should be kept for an over 18 forum. CP has two under 16 members that I know of (there could be more). Lets keep it an open un sex happy place. (obviously my oppinion)

This thread is ok - it doesnt break any rules - if it contained explicit pictures or language, that would be something else, but this is harmless discussion.

It's not anything that couldn't be read in a daily newspaper or seen on daytime TV. There is nothing inherently offensive about a sensible discussion concerning sex & relationships, and this one appears to be being conducted in a sensible way.

People don't have to be interested in the same topics or indeed get involved in every single thread, if you don't like a particular topic, stay off it.

Bear in mind anyone under the age of 16 must get their parents permission to view Catpages, and it is the parents duty to decide which topics they can or can't read. This thread is actually very mild to what you would find on many teen sites that go into far more graphic detail (and which we prob wouldn't allow).

In future if anyone has issues about someone elses thread please use the report post icon and don't take it upon yourself to dicate what should and shouldn't be discussed here (that's admins job).

If anyone has any further issues about this they should PM me, rather than continuing to disrupt this thread.

[Bengal Babe]

Would I share my Hub -


ERRR NO - because I might get used to have a happy time with my cats - just me and them - and who ever borrowed hubs might send him back -

so I'll leave him where he is - :) :)

No I am most certainly a one guy girl - probably old fashioned but hey

[Kim]

Nothing wrong with being old fashioned! :-D

[CathyW]

i my mind if your with your hubby/partner and your happy with them you shouldnt feel the need to sleep with anyone else. if u want to sleep with someone else (even with their know how) u cant be that so *in love n happy* ok yes im old fasioned like that. and if anyone made a play for him id basically tear their head off :shock:

[Bengal Babe]

ok yes im old fasioned like that. and if anyone made a play for him id basically tear their head off :shock:

Good for you girl - don't like girls that go for other women's men - I would never do that - not that sort of girl

EH - so it's quite fashionable to be old fashioned - glad there are still some decent girls about

[Snoof]

Now, now, there's no need to start implying everyone who doesn't agree with you is indecent. For us, sex and love are simply two different concepts. How in love I am with Matt has nothing to do with sex - for me.

I don't recall anyone implying that monogamy is somehow inferior, so I don't see why people are getting defensive about it. To my mind, people should be in relationships that suit their personalities, desires and needs. If you have that, then I'm honestly happy for you. Like Kim said - nothing wrong with being "old-fashioned", although I wouldn't call monogamy old-fashioned myself. I just don't see why it necessarily follows that anything else does have something wrong with it.

I can't speak for anyone else, but Matt and I are happy and well-adjusted people in a mutually respectful relationship. We're partners, we love each other, we're in love with each other. Certain dynamics are just different from the norm. My son is happy, healthy and well-cared-for. He's not being exposed to anything indecent.

If you don't like the idea of an open relationship, then what on earth's wrong with just not having one? Why must there always be that animosity involved, whenever someone deviates from what you want? I don't look down on monogamous people - why would I? What, exactly, is the point?

[Canis-Equus]

*sticks head above parapet*

I have a similar arrangment to Snoof.... although since im an anti social gitbag and so is my OH, we dont go 'out' as such and thus dont meet people very often.

If everyone is honest with one another and themselves then there isnt a problem.

In ANY kind of relationship, if there isnt openness and honesty, the ability to communicate with one another, then its all going to go wrong eventually, no matter what 'label' that relationship has.

Like Snoof said... cheating is unacceptable and it has no part in open relationships, polyamory, . etc etc. None at all.

Nor, as some people mistakenly believe, does being 'loose' or 'easy' have owt to do wtih it.
To my mind, its about having VERY close friendships, certain friends of mine i know er, sh all we say inside out! lol.

For other people it may be about having no-strings sex with people who arent their 'primary partner'.... if its safe and its honest, does it matter??

Sex and love are not and never will equate to the same thing, and someone brought up the issue of under 16's reading this thread.
To my mind, the sooner a person gets to grips with that fact, the better. Sex with a person does not always mean they will love you forever and ever.

As to the why.... well. Its different isnt it. Sex wtih a long term partner is always different to sex with someone who is new to you, or someone you dont sleep with very often. Thers nothing wrong with different.... after all we dont eat the same meal every day, wear the same outfit or listen to the same album on repeat, day in, day out!

It certainly isnt for everyone (ha, no, its all mine, you cant have any....).... if its not for you, its not, although people do change and at one time it wasnt for me, i couldnt have coped with it..... if it IS for you I see no reason why anyone should be told that it is 'wrong' - monogamy is after all a social convention, nothing more.

Em

[bobbie3917]

who said that Swinging or NSA sex was not old fashioned? i bet it has been around for just as long as monogamy has.
i think in some cases you know your partner better then a monogamy's couple would. i don't see it any different to a couple having an interest in the same thing. you don't fall in love with every person you meet and you don't want them to fall in love with you its a bit of fun at the end of the day

[Sue]

wow, this thread has enlightened me, i like the way this site doesnt just talk about cats:D

I am single at the moment, but not sure i could share my boyfriend/husband. I do know that at the moment, i am having fun enjoying the freedom of being able to sleep with whom i want, without hurting or having to think about someone else;)

[Donna]

wow, this thread has enlightened me, i like the way this site doesnt just talk about cats:D

I am single at the moment, but not sure i could share my boyfriend/husband. I do know that at the moment, i am having fun enjoying the freedom of being able to sleep with whom i want, without hurting or having to think about someone else;)

As much as we love our cats, I dont think any of us could talk JUST about our cats 24 hours a day:-D

I think, whatever suits you is what is right. Whatever kind of relationship you have. I have been single for three years after being with the same man for best part of 20 years.

I have had no partner in the three years I have been single and wouldnt be seen to do that in front of my children, nor could I have sex with someone I didnt love.

[bobbie3917]

hi Donna im the same as you single and not looking i was with my ex for 12 years and been single for 9 months. if i was on the look my kids would never know, its not something i think the kids should know anything about until you think its the real thing, but until i know its the real thing i would prob sleep with them, thats not love thats lust but love comes after that so yes i will sleep with some 1 that i dont love just maybe like a lot

[Donna]

hi Donna im the same as you single and not looking i was with my ex for 12 years and been single for 9 months. if i was on the look my kids would never know, its not something i think the kids should know anything about until you think its the real thing, but until i know its the real thing i would prob sleep with them, thats not love thats lust but love comes after that so yes i will sleep with some 1 that i dont love just maybe like a lot

Exactly that, dont want the kids getting involved. If I see anybody it is on a day I do not have them and they are with their father.

I have "seen" someone on and off over the course of my single life, but the children are my priority and nothing or anybody will change that. I know my children's emotions would be up in the air if I changed things... so I leave it the way it is, and nobody gets hurt.

[Sue]

I dont have children, and i have no urge to have them either, so i have no problems. Just to be careful;) Enjoy life while i am young

[bobbie3917]

good on you Sue
and that s what im doing Donna there is some1 that i do see but not that my kids know about him or my ex for that matter but what i was saying is that you dont always sleep with some 1 you love if you know what i mean lol

[Donna]

good on you Sue
and that s what im doing Donna there is some1 that i do see but not that my kids know about him or my ex for that matter but what i was saying is that you dont always sleep with some 1 you love if you know what i mean lol

Me and you leading similar lives methinks!! Although for me there is something there!

[bobbie3917]

its not been going on long enough to know for me yet

[Nicola]

I couldn't just switch off emotionally. I have had sex with people I have had feelings for but I couldn't just do it with any old tom dick or harry just for a bit of variety.

[Canis-Equus]

Hehehe, neither could I!

Im sure some people can - but for me i have to know the person to a certain degree and certainly respect and like them a lot.

Em

[Nicola]

Mind you they do say variety is the spice of life:lol: I will stick to different varieties of chocolate:D Milk, plain,dark lots to choose from:D

[PrettyPolly]

Wow, I could never share my partner! I am a one-man woman - I truly believe that having sex with someone other then your husband or boyfriend is cheating. I belive love and sex are definitely connected - in my life, I have only ever had sex with two men and I was in love with both of them at the time. Don't think I could have sex with someone I wasn't in love with. Nope. Couldn't do it. Can't understand it either, to be brutally honest.

[bobbie3917]

can you say that you were in love with them the first time you had sex?

[yola]

I get very emotionally involved and for me, sex and love are unseperable. When at artschool I had plenty of opportunity for sleeping around, but over the 3 years only had 4 boyfriends, and out of those only 3 I got very close to. I can say, hand on heart that 2 of those I loved very dearly. To the point that I still think about them 20 years on. The other was just a 'loving friend' who I still have a good friendship with. I have never (and don't think I could), had a one-night-stand.

As said before, I do have admiration for those that are able to keep the 2 emotions apart in their own minds. I would love to have the courage to do so, but I don't think I'm of the right psyche to do so. Lets face it - I even ran away from the offer of a 3-some with my best friend and her 'squeeze' at when away at art college!! :roll:

[yola]

I get very emotionally involved and for me, sex and love are unseperable. When at artschool I had plenty of opportunity for sleeping around, but over the 3 years only had 4 boyfriends, and out of those only 3 I got very close to. I can say, hand on heart that 2 of those I loved very dearly. To the point that I still think about them 20 years on. The other was just a 'loving friend' who I still have a good friendship with. I have never (and don't think I could), had a one-night-stand.

As said before, I do have admiration for those that are able to keep the 2 emotions apart in their own minds. I would love to have the courage to do so, but I don't think I'm of the right psyche to do so. Lets face it - I even ran away from the offer of a 3-some with my best friend and her 'squeeze' at when away at art college!! :roll:

[yola]

Ooops!! How did I manage to post twice when I only pressed submit once :oops:

[Snoof]

Yola, I don't really think it's a matter of admiration or accomplishment for doing either (monogamy and non-monogamy). I admire people who manage their relationship(s) well, rather than which relationship model they follow. One of the best marriages I know of is completely closed, but so filled with love, communication and understanding it's touching every time :-)

[Kim]

For me, love and sex are as one. I have and never would have a one-night stand or cheat on my husband. I have only ever had sex with 2 men (one being my OH) and was in love with both. (not at the same time! lol). I accept we are all different; I cannot honestly feel admiration at all for those who chose an open marriage, but accept it is their choice. However, I cannot and never will understand it. :?

[PrettyPolly]

I agree with Kim, and in response to Bobbie's question - yes, I can honestly say, of the two men I have slept with, I was head over heels in love with each of them the first time we had sex. Sex and love are connected, in my opinion, and if I were in love with someone, there is no way I could possibly share them.

[deester]

I couldn't share a bar of chocolate, but gave my husband away, lol. On a more serious note I could not share my other half with anyone - although there is no jealousy in our relationship, I know I would be hugely jealous. I don't have any issues with any couple doing it though if its agreed with all parties - honesty is always the best policy.