Advertise.

[Kazz]

If your cats who you have lost (like I have Oscar) were to advertise your home to future residence what would their advert say.

Got the idea speaking to DM about Tizzie possibly putting a word or advert in for the kittens;)
I think this is what Oscar would say about his home now.

"Vacancy, at good home awaits the right cat. Complete with cat trained humans already in residence. Doors and windows will be opened on request, furniture is kept to a standard that is more than acceptable to felines. The house is off the main road so no through traffic. The facilities always clean, and access to outdoor toileting is available.

Hunting is available a short pleasant stroll away. Although regular good quality meals to suit a varitey of tastes are always readily available on demand. The humans appear to have a slight aversion to live food being brought back to the home but they get so excited about it you have to feel sorry for them being incapable of hunting, however freshly killed food is not received with such excitment, and they are well mannered enough not to try and share it with you. But do prefer you to eat your "ready caught meals" outside.

The garden is secure with hidey holes for remaining independent yet within easy reach of any titbits on offer, and a shed perfect for catnapping the hours away.

Laps are always available for your daily snooze. Beds are comfortable and fresh with clean duvets supplied readily during your stay. The humans ability to stroke and scatch in just the right spot under chins is second to none, and they are easily pleased with a purr or two.

Airing cupboards are unfortunatley usually shut but on ocasion access can occasionaly be made and feline heaven is assured on those occasions, warm towels that are so deep you sink into them.

The property has live in canine companions who are already trained to obey cats and are young enough to be succesfully trained further to your own requirments. They could be looked upon as an aded bonus as they are successul in the rear guard action of defending the catlap when you are away from home inspecting your territory.

A ginger and white maiden aunt in residence she is to be repected at all times and may show you the tricks of sucesful cat/human interaction, if the mood takes her. She can appear haughty but has the gentlest of souls. However she rules the roost, so beware of her left hook.

All you need to do to live here is to love them all unconditionaly as they will you. Happily the position is for life."

Well what would your advert say?

[dinahsmum]

Great post! :)
Have to go gardening now - will compose my ad later!

[Fran]

:-D That's brilliant Kazz!!!!

[dinahsmum]

Vacancy
A vacancy has arisen at the following long-established residence in sunny Dorset. Previous occupant recommends highly

Human housekeepers, well versed in the ways of cats, doors opened on demand, "facilities" always kept clean, bedding clean, comfortable and warm. Laps available on request, garden secure and backup for repelling unwanted visitiors available in form of over enthusiastic "dumb" canine ( with further training the dog could become an ally and possible hot water bottle)
Humans on hand for majority of the time and holidays to good cattery with Uncle Ken and Aunty Jan when humans away.
Food on demand and of high quality. Recent talk of becoming a specialist 'sushi' establishment, with hand prepared raw food
The garden is south facing for more than adequate sun bathing, wide expanse of sun-warmed decking and corners and hideaways available, including the log-store roof.
Quiet road, virtual cul de sac - chosen of course with cats in mind.
One other long term mature female resident; may appear aloof at first but will thaw and become very chatty
Vacancy will be for life.

(Thanks Kazz, for prompting me on large parts of this!)

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_22_18.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm824YYGB)

[Sweet]

Great thread, will have to think one up x

[Kazz]

:-D That's brilliant Kazz!!!!

So come on then Fran how would Lucky advertise you to potential kittens?

[Naomi]

Vaccancy in permanent home. Meals readily available, young humans of household very accomodating as to beds available for sleeping on, will share their toys and plenty of cuddles to go round.

Outdoor persuits include, climbing and hiking. Plenty of sunbathing spots especially ontop of motor vehicles and even inside motor vehicles

[Donna]

Think mine would say....

Nice hot house (always has the heating on) and quiet during the day for relaxing on human beds when they do their school/work thing.

Afternoons and evenings consist of lots of playtime from the smaller humans plus extra treats when the bigger human is not looking. Plenty of places to rest and lots of places to snuggle.

Bigger human paranoid about losing you so hide as much as you can to scare her, especially when you are out in the garden. Also bring in plenty of worms and the like as this gets the humans very excitable - running around screaming usually!!

Sunny back garden with swinging hammock to lounge on if you can beat the humans to it!!

[Kazz]

Those two are excellent really good, made me smile both of them. Come on then you lot get a move on - sell yourselves:-D

[Snoof]

I'll have to write this one for Ninja - none of my past cats have ever seen this house!

Soppy, helpless human has room for more. Two vacancies currently available in large, but slightly clueless heart.

Human will provide excellent food and a variety of treats, and will have the grace to provide hairball-relief and toothcleaning yummies without alerting you to their healing effects (so as not to spoil your appetite).

High-quality, timely meals twice a day with lots of variations in flavour, and snacks always available in a suitable bowl. Clean water provided. Bedroom door left open so as to facilitate wake-up-the-human games for those so inclined.

House is large and filled with hidey-holes, many of which come with individual fan heating and frequently nearby humans in case you should need their services.

Hands always available for rubbing up against, toys come with rent. Access to the outdoors available to those old, altered and vaccinated enough to brave it if they so choose - many soft warm spots provided in case of rain or laziness.

One scary small child who gets excited at what he calls "kitties" (the cheek!) but will not harm and is becoming more adept at providing stroking - eventually he will stop being quite so careful and get the good scritching in.

First and last month's loud purring and occasional meows to be provided up front, but we will accept installment plans.

[Kazz]

Thats excellent Snoof. Really good. I'd be there like a shot.:)

[Mags]

Immediate vacancy in a loving home.


Warm lap is always available. Humans will always let you sleep anywhere.....but male human is fussy who sleeps in his chair!

The food is very good, if you don't fancy something one day they always try to tempt you with something else. Cat biscuits are always available together with fresh water.

There are warm comfy beds with duvets that you can snuggle right into, and in winter time you are even allowed to snuggle into the human.

You will have your own door to access the outside world where there are plenty of places to sunbathe and lots of flying insects to watch. Outside the garden there are plenty of trees for you to climb and go bird watching.......but the humans don't like you scaring the birds.

There is currently one middle aged tortie female residing there. She is very timid but I'm sure, with a lot of patience, you will become a great friend to her.
.
The vacancy is for life.......and all applicants will be vetted.

[Kazz]

Thats excellent Mags, I love the vetted bit;)

[smudgley]

Vacancy

The cat mad smudgleys have a vacancy for another feline in their house.
There's a big brown dog who you can get really close to ;) & there are lots of cats that live in pens - great for running past & teasing, just to show them all that you are free & they aren't.
Early risers only need apply they get up at 5.30am most days - although they quite enjoy us cats waking them up at 3am.
At the side of the property is a nice flower bed - really handy for doing a poo in & then it's nice to cover it up & get your feet all dirty & then snooze on the cream coloured human beds.
There are chickens which are great for chasing & under the chickens pen, you can usualy find a mouse or 2. Mrs S loves it when you bring her one, she gets all excited & silly & jumps on the bed with excitement. Her eyes go all big & wide & she shouts Mr S in a very loud voice, so that he can see too.
Food is plentyful & good quality.
There's a large garden to roam in.
Currently builders are laying concrete stuff everywhere, great for dancing in & leaving pretty paw-prints.
Holidays are plentiful, they have a house on wheels & they take all pet cats in it with them.
No main roads so quite safe. In fact cats own all rights to our road & cars will slow down when we stroll across.:roll:
There are 2 little people who are loud but no trouble.
Genuine enquiries only please & no canvassers!..

[Snoof]

Thats excellent Snoof. Really good. I'd be there like a shot.:)
You're just in it for the bellyrubs ;) :lol:

Great work everyone, I'm loving these :-)

[Kazz]

They are great aren't they I am loving them too.:)

[Fran]

So come on then Fran how would Lucky advertise you to potential kittens?

:-D

Unlimited places available at kitty holiday paradise. Mrs human's moto - You can never have enough cats! I don't think Mr human shares the same view :roll: Fussy eaters very welcome...if you don't eat the food you will be guarenteed a different variety the next day :roll: If fresh food appeals...no need to waste valuable sleeping time finding your own as Mrs human frequently serves up tasty raw delicacies. If sight seeing interests you then the garden offers many interesting sites and smells to investigate although you are expected to be in by dark. There are plenty of well established trees for you to climb and worry the life out of Mrs Human who will get Mr human to rescue you should you become stuck! No need to worry about sleeping arrangements as if you are not happy with the other feline campers you will be given your own personal accomodation free from stress and warm and very comfortable. Mrs human does like you to talk to her on a regular basis although this is not compulsory. Amongst the campers are some large but very daft chocolate things who you will very quickly put under your paw and will even open a door for you if you are struggling. There are also some small humans who are extremely noisy but who are very kind and will let you snuggle under their duvets. 2 fluffy hopping things in the garden are ok as long as you do not make the mistake of entering their accomodation! All in all it is a lively hotel, but there is always entertainment and 24 hour room service :-D

[Booktigger]

They are all wonderful - no idea what mine would say though.

[CJK]

goodness knows what mine would say

soemthing along lines of:

Vacancy arisen in total mad house owned by a completely loopy fruit cake, but with a good heart.

Allowed to sleep where you want, even in the beds.
fodo readilya vailable, as are hugs and (wehter you like it or not) kisses!!

fresh running water always ready.
Two small humans reside, theyre ok but watch the little one as he tries to share his soggy half sucked biscuits with you and then tries to eat your rather yummy cat food!

Tonnes of stuffed things about, i hear the humans call them teddies. I thought they were stuffed pets at first, but the humans like to cuddle them and i must admit theyre rather comfy to lay on.

Mother human is totally loopy, other cats living there are a mixed bunch, but all friendly

[Kazz]

They are all excellent come on Booktigger and the rest of you who have not yet taken the opportunity to advertise;)

[dinahsmum]

Love these!
More! More!
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_22_18.gif

[Kazz]

Love these!
More! More!
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_22_18.gif

My thoughts exactly.:D