Not new - but always raises a smile. The Rules

[dinahsmum]

RULES FOR CATS TO LIVE BY

DOORS: Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door
open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door
is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered
an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think
about several things. This is particularly important during
cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors
are to be avoided at all costs.


CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly.
If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there
is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet,
make sure you back up so it is as long as a human's bare foot.


BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not
necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.


HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some close
activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is
called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering." Following are
the rules for "hampering."

1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of
the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance
of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes
and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

3) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the
most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work
as possible or at least the most important part. Pretend to
doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or
knitting needles.
The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the
aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects
make great hammocks in spite of what humans may tell you.

4) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on
income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in
mind the aim: to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked
on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When
activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering
them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the
second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one
at a time.

5) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her,
be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

6) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk
across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay
in human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress!


WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as
possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when
they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they
first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination
skills.


BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot
move around.


When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out
of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter
between their toes.


Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot
find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any
circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they
love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do
come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you
will probably get a treat.

Something in there probably explains why we love 'em!

[kado]

All of the above is so totaly true made me laugh as well

jane

[random]

LOL every single word is so very very true!

[babycakes]

Always good to be reminded of where we stand!!

[mable1718]

that made me laugh