pamela81
12-01-2011, 08:35 PM
Steven (my OH) came across this the other day. I thought it was great. You migt have already seen it but thought i would share anyway :)
Cat rules.
1. All beds, chairs etc are cat property. Humans may be allowed on them, but must expect to be sat or laid on if the cat wishes to use the facility.
2. Where beds are not big enough for humans and cats, cats shall have priority.
3. All cat food in bowls for more than 5 minutes is stale and inedible - unless it is in some other cat's house which is being raided.
4. Food in a dog's bowl may be eaten, especially if it will annoy the dog.
5. Human food may be eaten: cold meats are a cat's right, especially chicken, lamb, beef, pork, etc. Cats have priority for these over humans.
6. Presents to humans of mice, voles, rats etc (especially when alive) are for the purposes of teaching humans how to catch them with a view to improving the usefulness of humans to the feline community.
7. When something stupid in feline terms is done e.g. falling off a chair, stopping to wash is the preferred method of restoring dignity, even if it does mean displaying the anus to the most influential and dignified human visitors at the time who will be annoyed by it, and by analogy, with the cat's humans..
8. Any visitor who is allergic to, or hates, cats is to be fussed over to the maximum extent possible.
9. Where a cat flap is provided, it is for the purpose of bringing in presents as in 6 above. Where there is no catflap, human door people will open doors or windows for entrance or exit on demand, and at any time of the day or night.
10. The weather is always the responsibility of the human, who shall be moaned at about it: additionally, if there is rain outside one door, a demand shall be made for another door to be opened to see if it is raining out of that door too.
11. Humans are the property and servants of the cat(s)
12. Litter trays are to be used with disdain, and should be changed by the servant after every use: if not, loud complaints are to be made, especially when humans are asleep.
[link removed]
Cat rules.
1. All beds, chairs etc are cat property. Humans may be allowed on them, but must expect to be sat or laid on if the cat wishes to use the facility.
2. Where beds are not big enough for humans and cats, cats shall have priority.
3. All cat food in bowls for more than 5 minutes is stale and inedible - unless it is in some other cat's house which is being raided.
4. Food in a dog's bowl may be eaten, especially if it will annoy the dog.
5. Human food may be eaten: cold meats are a cat's right, especially chicken, lamb, beef, pork, etc. Cats have priority for these over humans.
6. Presents to humans of mice, voles, rats etc (especially when alive) are for the purposes of teaching humans how to catch them with a view to improving the usefulness of humans to the feline community.
7. When something stupid in feline terms is done e.g. falling off a chair, stopping to wash is the preferred method of restoring dignity, even if it does mean displaying the anus to the most influential and dignified human visitors at the time who will be annoyed by it, and by analogy, with the cat's humans..
8. Any visitor who is allergic to, or hates, cats is to be fussed over to the maximum extent possible.
9. Where a cat flap is provided, it is for the purpose of bringing in presents as in 6 above. Where there is no catflap, human door people will open doors or windows for entrance or exit on demand, and at any time of the day or night.
10. The weather is always the responsibility of the human, who shall be moaned at about it: additionally, if there is rain outside one door, a demand shall be made for another door to be opened to see if it is raining out of that door too.
11. Humans are the property and servants of the cat(s)
12. Litter trays are to be used with disdain, and should be changed by the servant after every use: if not, loud complaints are to be made, especially when humans are asleep.
[link removed]