Elaine
21-05-2007, 09:35 PM
> > > THE 6 BEST SMART ARSED ANSWERS OF 2006
> > >
> > > SMART ARSED ANSWER 6
> > > It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways
> > > plane:
> > > "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in
> > > the front row.
> > > "What are my choices?" the man asked. "Yes or no,"
> > > she replied.
> > >
> > > SMART ARSED ANSWER 5
> > > A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
> > > tickets.
> > > As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he
> > > opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without blinking an eyelid she
> >
> > > said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
> > >
> >
> > SMART ARSED ANSWER 4
> > > A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of
> > > Sainsbury's store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
> > > She asked a passing assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
> > > The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."
> > >
> > > SMART ARSED ANSWER 3
> > > The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for
> > > speeding, rolled down his window.
> > > "I've been waiting for you all day," the bobby said.
> > > The kid replied, "Yes, well I got here as fast as I could."
> > > When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his
> > > way without a ticket.
> > >
> > > SMART ARSED ANSWER 2
> > > A lorry driver was driving along on a country road.
> > > A sign came up
>that
> > > read " Low Bridge Ahead."
> > > Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck
> > > under it..
> > > Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
> > > The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and
> > > said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?"
> > > The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out
> > > of petrol!"
> > >
> > > SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006
> > > A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's
> > > final exam.
> > > "Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
> >
> > > tomorrow.
> > > I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury,
> > > illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no
>other
> > > excuses whatsoever!"
> > > A smart-arsed chappie at the back of the room raised his hand and
> > > asked, "What would you happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from
> > > complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
> > > The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence
> > > was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her
> > > head and sweetly said, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam
> > > with your other hand."
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > SMART ARSED ANSWER 6
> > > It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways
> > > plane:
> > > "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in
> > > the front row.
> > > "What are my choices?" the man asked. "Yes or no,"
> > > she replied.
> > >
> > > SMART ARSED ANSWER 5
> > > A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
> > > tickets.
> > > As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he
> > > opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without blinking an eyelid she
> >
> > > said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
> > >
> >
> > SMART ARSED ANSWER 4
> > > A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of
> > > Sainsbury's store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
> > > She asked a passing assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
> > > The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."
> > >
> > > SMART ARSED ANSWER 3
> > > The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for
> > > speeding, rolled down his window.
> > > "I've been waiting for you all day," the bobby said.
> > > The kid replied, "Yes, well I got here as fast as I could."
> > > When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his
> > > way without a ticket.
> > >
> > > SMART ARSED ANSWER 2
> > > A lorry driver was driving along on a country road.
> > > A sign came up
>that
> > > read " Low Bridge Ahead."
> > > Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck
> > > under it..
> > > Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
> > > The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and
> > > said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?"
> > > The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out
> > > of petrol!"
> > >
> > > SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006
> > > A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's
> > > final exam.
> > > "Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
> >
> > > tomorrow.
> > > I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury,
> > > illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no
>other
> > > excuses whatsoever!"
> > > A smart-arsed chappie at the back of the room raised his hand and
> > > asked, "What would you happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from
> > > complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
> > > The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence
> > > was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her
> > > head and sweetly said, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam
> > > with your other hand."
> > >
> > >