Elaine
11-01-2007, 09:58 PM
In the year 2007, the Lord came again unto Noah, who was now living in
England and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-
populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two
of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have six months to build
the Ark before I start the unending rain for forty days and forty nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his
yard -but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is
theArk?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed.
I needed Building Regulations Approval. I've been arguing with the
Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim
that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my
garden because it is development of the site even though in my view it is a
temporary structure. We had to go to appeal to the Secretary of State
for a decision.
Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the
future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear
the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would
be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have
Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special
Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to
convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no
go!
When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted
that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the
accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to
put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers
Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an
environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities
Commission on how many BMEs I'm supposed to hire for my building team.
The Trades Unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only
CSCS accredited workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So,forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to
finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the World?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
England and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-
populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two
of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have six months to build
the Ark before I start the unending rain for forty days and forty nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his
yard -but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is
theArk?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed.
I needed Building Regulations Approval. I've been arguing with the
Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim
that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my
garden because it is development of the site even though in my view it is a
temporary structure. We had to go to appeal to the Secretary of State
for a decision.
Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the
future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear
the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would
be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have
Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special
Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to
convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no
go!
When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted
that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the
accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to
put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers
Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an
environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities
Commission on how many BMEs I'm supposed to hire for my building team.
The Trades Unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only
CSCS accredited workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So,forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to
finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the World?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."