dinahsmum
23-02-2006, 11:39 AM
DOORS: Allow no closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. Once an outside door is opened, stand halfway out and think about several things – a particularly good idea during the coldest weather or mosquito season.
CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get on to a chair quickly. If there is no time, get to an expensive Oriental rug.
BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything – just sit and stare.
HELPING: If one of your humans is busy and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called ‘helping’ and here are the rules: -
Cooking: To supervise, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You can’t be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, then picked up and comforted.
Books: For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
Knitting and Paperwork: Lie on it in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often paw the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you – ignore it.
To give the greatest help, first, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time. When a human is holding the newspaper in front of them, be sure to jump on the back of it – they love surprises.
Embroidery and Needlework: These projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.
WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.
BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so she/he cannot move around. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v393/Dinahsmum/movingcat.gif
CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get on to a chair quickly. If there is no time, get to an expensive Oriental rug.
BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything – just sit and stare.
HELPING: If one of your humans is busy and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called ‘helping’ and here are the rules: -
Cooking: To supervise, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You can’t be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, then picked up and comforted.
Books: For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
Knitting and Paperwork: Lie on it in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often paw the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you – ignore it.
To give the greatest help, first, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time. When a human is holding the newspaper in front of them, be sure to jump on the back of it – they love surprises.
Embroidery and Needlework: These projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.
WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.
BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so she/he cannot move around. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v393/Dinahsmum/movingcat.gif