bobbie3917
14-12-2005, 06:23 PM
How To Wrap A Gift
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag from wardrobe.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons,
scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table to enable
wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string. Remove cat that has been in the
drawer since last visit and collect string.
9. Reopen drawer and re-remove cat.
10. Remove present from bag.
11. Remove cat from bag.
12. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
13. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
14. Try to smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove
cat.
15. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
16. Throw away first sheet as cat tried to chase the scissors and
tore paper.
17. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the
present came out of.
18. Place present on cut to size paper.
19. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now
don't reach and realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat
and retry.
20. Place object on paper to hold in place while cutting transparent
sticky tape.
21. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent
sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
22. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as
neat as possible.
23. Look for roll of ribbon, chase cat down hall in order to
retrieve ribbon.
24. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two directional turn.
25. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper that is now torn due to cat's
enthusiasm to chase ribbon end.
26. Repeat steps 13 - 20 until down to last sheet of paper.
27. Decide to skip steps 13- 17 in order to save time and reduce
risk of loosing last sheet of paper by retrieving old cardboard box
that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
28. Put present in box and tie down with string.
29. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
30. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for
lockable room.
31. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing
materials.
32. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close
door and re-lock.
33. Repeat previous step as often as necessary until you can hear
the cries from the cat outside the door.
34. Lay out last sheet of paper.
(I know this is difficult in the small area of the bathroom, but try
your best.)
35. Realize that cat has already gotten to the paper. Unlock door,
go out and hunt through various cupboards looking for sheets of last
year's paper, until you remember that you haven't got any left due
to cat's help with wrapping last year.
36. Retire back to room, lock door and sit on toilet while trying to
work out how to make a torn sheet of paper look halfway presentable.
37. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully
sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with
ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
38. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating
yourself on making good of a bad job.
39. Unlock door and go to kitchen to make a snack and feed the cat.
40. Spend the next 15 minutes looking for cat before coming to
obvious conclusion...
41. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
42. Retrieve all thrown away sheets of wrapping paper, feed the cat
and retire to room for last attempt, making certain you are alone
and the door is locked.
43. Find least torn and wrinkled sheets of paper along with the ones
that the pattern matches closest.
44. Vainly try and wrap present in patchwork paper. Tie with the now
tattered ribbon and decorate with the now limp bows. Label and put
present in bag for fear of anyone seeing this disaster.
45. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at the receiver's
face as they try to hide their contempt at being handed such a badly
wrapped present.
46. Swear to yourself that next year you will get the store to wrap
the stupid thing for you!
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag from wardrobe.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons,
scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table to enable
wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string. Remove cat that has been in the
drawer since last visit and collect string.
9. Reopen drawer and re-remove cat.
10. Remove present from bag.
11. Remove cat from bag.
12. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
13. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
14. Try to smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove
cat.
15. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
16. Throw away first sheet as cat tried to chase the scissors and
tore paper.
17. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the
present came out of.
18. Place present on cut to size paper.
19. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now
don't reach and realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat
and retry.
20. Place object on paper to hold in place while cutting transparent
sticky tape.
21. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent
sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
22. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as
neat as possible.
23. Look for roll of ribbon, chase cat down hall in order to
retrieve ribbon.
24. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two directional turn.
25. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper that is now torn due to cat's
enthusiasm to chase ribbon end.
26. Repeat steps 13 - 20 until down to last sheet of paper.
27. Decide to skip steps 13- 17 in order to save time and reduce
risk of loosing last sheet of paper by retrieving old cardboard box
that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
28. Put present in box and tie down with string.
29. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
30. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for
lockable room.
31. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing
materials.
32. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close
door and re-lock.
33. Repeat previous step as often as necessary until you can hear
the cries from the cat outside the door.
34. Lay out last sheet of paper.
(I know this is difficult in the small area of the bathroom, but try
your best.)
35. Realize that cat has already gotten to the paper. Unlock door,
go out and hunt through various cupboards looking for sheets of last
year's paper, until you remember that you haven't got any left due
to cat's help with wrapping last year.
36. Retire back to room, lock door and sit on toilet while trying to
work out how to make a torn sheet of paper look halfway presentable.
37. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully
sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with
ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
38. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating
yourself on making good of a bad job.
39. Unlock door and go to kitchen to make a snack and feed the cat.
40. Spend the next 15 minutes looking for cat before coming to
obvious conclusion...
41. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
42. Retrieve all thrown away sheets of wrapping paper, feed the cat
and retire to room for last attempt, making certain you are alone
and the door is locked.
43. Find least torn and wrinkled sheets of paper along with the ones
that the pattern matches closest.
44. Vainly try and wrap present in patchwork paper. Tie with the now
tattered ribbon and decorate with the now limp bows. Label and put
present in bag for fear of anyone seeing this disaster.
45. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at the receiver's
face as they try to hide their contempt at being handed such a badly
wrapped present.
46. Swear to yourself that next year you will get the store to wrap
the stupid thing for you!