dinahsmum
27-11-2005, 12:21 PM
A duck goes into a bar and, with one wing, points at the beer pump. The landlord says, "Blimmin' heck! A duck who drinks beer!"
The duck replies "Yes I do. So what?"
The landlord is stunned. "Blimmin' heck!", he says, "A duck who drinks beer AND talks!!"
Anyway, in a stunned state he finds himself getting into a conversation with the duck. "So what do you do then?" he asks the duck.
"Oh, I've got a temporary job just over the road", replies the duck. "You enjoy it?" asks the landlord. "Very much!", replies the duck, "And it pays quite well too."
The duck has a few beers, pays and leaves. And the next day, and the next, he comes back, and chats with the landlord, who after a few nights is starting to get used to the beer-swilling, talking duck.
At the weekend, a circus rolls into town.
The ringmaster takes an hour off to have a beer and goes to the same pub.
He chats with the landlord. "You know," he says, "In this day and age, it's so difficult to find good-quality animal acts for the circus. Animal rights activists will hardly let us do anything with animals any more, and audiences are more sophisticated now than when I started in the circus. These days, poodles jumping through hoops just isn't entertaining any more."
"Well it's funny you should say that," replies the landlord,"There's been a duck coming in her every night this week, and you'll never guess....he talks and drinks beer!"
"You're joking, of course!" replies the ringmaster.
"Straight up!" replies the landlord.
So the landlord relates the story of the duck. The ringmaster is stunned. "This duck....this duck," he says, "Could be the making of my circus. I could make a fortune!! Tell you what, here's my card, if he comes in here again tell him I'll give him an excellent job with my circus!!"
"I'll do that with pleasure," replies the landlord. The ringmaster leaves, hardly believing his luck.
The next night the duck goes into the pub. "Evening, landlord" he says. "Evening, duck", is the reply, "A pint of the usual?" "Yes please," replies the duck.
And they get chatting. "Oh, by the way," says the landlord, "I don't know whether you know, but there's a circus in town. The ringmaster was in here last night and he wants to offer you a job with the circus."
"What?" says the duck.
The landlord repeats himself.
"Me? A job?" asks the duck.
"Yes," replies the landlord.
"In the circus?" asks the duck.
"Yes," replies the landlord.
"Hang on, let's get this right...big tent, lots of animals...THAT sort of circus?" asks the duck.
"Yes, that sort of circus," replies the landlord.
The duck thinks for a moment and says :
"What the hell do they want with a plasterer?"
The duck replies "Yes I do. So what?"
The landlord is stunned. "Blimmin' heck!", he says, "A duck who drinks beer AND talks!!"
Anyway, in a stunned state he finds himself getting into a conversation with the duck. "So what do you do then?" he asks the duck.
"Oh, I've got a temporary job just over the road", replies the duck. "You enjoy it?" asks the landlord. "Very much!", replies the duck, "And it pays quite well too."
The duck has a few beers, pays and leaves. And the next day, and the next, he comes back, and chats with the landlord, who after a few nights is starting to get used to the beer-swilling, talking duck.
At the weekend, a circus rolls into town.
The ringmaster takes an hour off to have a beer and goes to the same pub.
He chats with the landlord. "You know," he says, "In this day and age, it's so difficult to find good-quality animal acts for the circus. Animal rights activists will hardly let us do anything with animals any more, and audiences are more sophisticated now than when I started in the circus. These days, poodles jumping through hoops just isn't entertaining any more."
"Well it's funny you should say that," replies the landlord,"There's been a duck coming in her every night this week, and you'll never guess....he talks and drinks beer!"
"You're joking, of course!" replies the ringmaster.
"Straight up!" replies the landlord.
So the landlord relates the story of the duck. The ringmaster is stunned. "This duck....this duck," he says, "Could be the making of my circus. I could make a fortune!! Tell you what, here's my card, if he comes in here again tell him I'll give him an excellent job with my circus!!"
"I'll do that with pleasure," replies the landlord. The ringmaster leaves, hardly believing his luck.
The next night the duck goes into the pub. "Evening, landlord" he says. "Evening, duck", is the reply, "A pint of the usual?" "Yes please," replies the duck.
And they get chatting. "Oh, by the way," says the landlord, "I don't know whether you know, but there's a circus in town. The ringmaster was in here last night and he wants to offer you a job with the circus."
"What?" says the duck.
The landlord repeats himself.
"Me? A job?" asks the duck.
"Yes," replies the landlord.
"In the circus?" asks the duck.
"Yes," replies the landlord.
"Hang on, let's get this right...big tent, lots of animals...THAT sort of circus?" asks the duck.
"Yes, that sort of circus," replies the landlord.
The duck thinks for a moment and says :
"What the hell do they want with a plasterer?"