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Amadeus
26-10-2005, 10:09 PM
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near-death
experience.

Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months
and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the
hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy
tuck. She even had someone come in and change her
hair colour.

Since she had so much more time to live, she
figured she might as well make the most of it. After
her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was
struck and killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you
said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me
from out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
Fran
26-10-2005, 10:18 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol: Brill Joke Amadeus! Think it should have gone in the games Jokes and funnies section though ;) :-D
Amadeus
26-10-2005, 10:22 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol: Brill Joke Amadeus! Think it should have gone in the games Jokes and funnies section though ;) :-D
Sorry, i'm still new to all this malarky.
i'll do me best to remember these things.
Fran
26-10-2005, 10:24 PM
No problem Amadeus, you'll soon get the hang of things round here....we were all new once;) :-D
Mags
26-10-2005, 10:26 PM
Az will move it to the correct section when he sees it Amadeus...........very good joke though:-D
Amadeus
26-10-2005, 10:31 PM
PK, this is for your goodself, and indeed everyone else, thanks for making me so welcome to these pages. & i really do mean that
Amadeus
26-10-2005, 10:34 PM
A jelly baby turned up at the doctors.

"I think I may have a sexually transmitted disease," the jelly baby confided, tearfully.

"That's ridiculous," responded the doctor. "Jelly babies cannot get sexually transmitted diseases."

"Oh yes we can," the jelly baby insisted. "I mean, I've been sleeping with allsorts." :-P
Mags
26-10-2005, 10:36 PM
:smt005 :smt005 :smt005
Amadeus
26-10-2005, 10:39 PM
:smt005 :smt005 :smt005
Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
Tom
26-10-2005, 10:41 PM
Ha ha great jokes!!
Fran
26-10-2005, 10:41 PM
A jelly baby turned up at the doctors.

"I think I may have a sexually transmitted disease," the jelly baby confided, tearfully.

"That's ridiculous," responded the doctor. "Jelly babies cannot get sexually transmitted diseases."

"Oh yes we can," the jelly baby insisted. "I mean, I've been sleeping with allsorts." :-P


:smt043 :smt043 :smt043
Amadeus
26-10-2005, 11:05 PM
A small aircraft is in trouble over North America.

On board are five people: the pilot, the actor Robert De Niro, President George W Bush, a schoolboy and a very old man.

Unfortunately, there are only four parachutes. The pilot selfishly grabs one and jumps out yelling that the plane is going to crash.

Robert De Niro grabs the second parachute and yells that he has to star in a new movie so he needs to be saved.

George Bush makes his move and leaps from the plane yelling that he has to run the country and save America from terrorists.

The small boy and the old man look at each other. "You take the last parachute, son," the old man says. "You're young. I have lived a long life. Go on, jump."

The schoolboy looks at him. "It's okay, pops," he says, "there's one parachute left for each of us. Looks like President Bush grabbed my schoolbag."
Amadeus
26-10-2005, 11:06 PM
Apologies to any Neo-Cons.
janey83
27-10-2005, 04:46 PM
Q: What did the ghost shake at the party?
A: Her boOoOo-ty :roll:
Moli
30-10-2005, 07:30 PM
All very funny...........:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Tom
30-10-2005, 07:43 PM
Q: What did the ghost shake at the party?
A: Her boOoOo-ty :roll:

He he excellent (sp?):-D
Amanda
30-10-2005, 08:50 PM
:lol::lol: Good jokes :D
Kay
19-12-2005, 12:52 PM
Brilliant. Had me in stiches.